Whenever we dare to mention the former president (or current senator) we are bombarded with the idea that we’re “obsessed” with them.

Writing recently in Newsday, Ellis Henican enumerated the myriad political goings-on in which the Clintons are likely involved, including the candidacy of Wesley Clark and Al Gore’s endorsement of Howard Dean.  But anyone who believes these rumors is laughed off as one of the many “Clinton-obsessives” living in a “complete Clintonian Universe!” 

In September of last year Sean Hannity and Alan Colmes took their Fox News show on the road to Detroit.  A woman from the audience asked Colmes, the liberal co-host, how anyone could believe Hillary when she says she’s not going to run for President.  Colmes’ response:  “I don't know why you're so obsessed with the Clintons.”

Most egregiously, the New York Times’ Elisabeth Bumiller recently asked outright, “Is George W. Bush obsessed with Bill Clinton?”

Wild questions and rambling, accusatory narratives notwithstanding, conservatives are not obsessed with the Clintons.  We’re sick of them.  We wish they’d go away and never come back.  In 2000, as Mrs. Clinton was running for the senate seat she now holds, we thought we were going to be rid of her for good.  But then Rudy Giuliani was stricken with cancer.  New York Republicans responded by naively replacing him with Rick Lazio, who, as expected, lost the election.  Now, four years into her term, we can’t say a word about anything political without rehashing the various aspects of The Hillary Question.

Will she run in 2004? How about ‘08? What would Bill’s role be? Would she run as a centrist? Would she give her healthcare plan another go? Who would be V.P.? Is she really hoping for another four years of Bush?

To be sure, it’s completely understandable why the press has such a mad crush on the Clintons.  They’re fascinating.  The former president managed to smoke pot, dodge the draft, probably rape Juanita Broderick, drop his pants for Paula Jones, “comfort” Kathleen Willey, award Monica Lewinsky the first known set of Presidential Knee Pads, perjure himself, suborn perjury, obstruct justice, get impeached for it, and then avoid conviction on the basis of his use of the term “right wing.”

Hillary stayed married to the sleazeball, denounced those of us who weren’t thrilled with his behavior as part of a “conspiracy,” and participated in numerous scandals categorically ignored by the media.  Now she’s the junior senator from New York, shoe-in for the Democratic nomination whenever she wants it, and arguably the most important Democrat in the country.  She’s also the bestselling author of a book she didn’t write.

Who else has a record like that?

The only people who are obsessed with the Clintons are the Clintons.  Even Democrats are sick of them.  Susan Estrich, who ran Michael Dukakis’ doomed campaign, wrote in August 2000 that Hillary is “warmer, funnier, and plain nicer than her image suggests.”  But by mid-2003, Estrich had changed her tune.  “The Clintons suck up every bit of the available air.  Nothing is left for anyone else.”