IC book reviewer and prolific reader Geoff Riklin reviews twelve of the longest and best books he has ever read, in descending order of length.

Now that summer is upon us, you may be planning a nice vacation. Rather than taking along a few crummy novels, why not take something that will not only be educational, but endless as well? Herewith are twelve of the best and longest books I've ever read. They're all superb, and if you actually finish them you will do so with a great sense of satisfaction. And relief!

In addition to suggesting these books, we at Intellectual Conservative are offering a prize. If you read all twelve by the start of autumn, simply submit a notarized affidavit attesting that you have done so. Upon its receipt <impossible promise deleted by editor>. In addition, you will receive a plaque to commemorate your achievement. Of course, you could wind up like that kid in Tom Sawyer, the one who memorized the Bible and was never again quite right in the head. But those are the risks you run in the pursuit of knowledge.

(Please note: Intellectual Conservative strongly urges that you not store any of these books on a high shelf, lest one fall off and kill somebody. In the event of death or gruesome injury, Intellectual Conservative will not accept any legal liability. Please read responsibly. Friends don't let friends take one in the coconut.)

The following books are ranked in order of humungousness:

1) A History of Modern Germany by Hajo Holborn, 3 volumes, The Reformation (374 pages), 1648 – 1840 (531 pages), 1840 – 1945 (818 pages)

The Mother of all Crushers! Holborn was for many years a professor of history at Yale. These three volumes cover every aspect of German society: religion, politics, wars, diplomacy, the visual arts, philosophy, music, novels, poetry, the economy, architecture, and everything else you can think of. Holborn's breadth and depth of learning is astounding. He writes very well, in a simple and straightforward style. The judgments he renders seem sensible and evenhanded. All in all, this is a work to be treasured, and will lead the reader to many worthy destinations. Available on Amazon for about 40 dollars for the three books.

2) I Will Bear Witness by Victor Klemperer, two volumes, 1933-1941 (519 pages), 1942-1945 (556 pages)

Klemperer was for many years a professor of French at the Dresden Technical University. A dedicated diarist and a Jew, he kept a meticulous record of his experiences during the Nazi era. An astute observer and an excellent writer, Klemperer's diary provides us with an astounding and constantly surprising picture of life under Hitler. With each entry the noose grows tighter and tighter around his neck. Because it is such an appalling story, these diaries can be hard to read, but they can also be oddly addictive. He is as unsparing of himself as he is of those around him. "I will bear witness. Precise Witness!" was his slogan, and he fulfilled that pledge spectacularly. Klemperer deposited his diaries in the university library shortly before his death in the early 1960s, and researchers dug them out a few years back. Incidentally, if the name sounds familiar it's because he had a cousin named Otto who gained renown as a conductor, and a more distant cousin named Werner played Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes. What an odd world. You can get both volumes at Amazon for a total of about 10 dollars.

3) Churchill by Roy Jenkins, (1002 pages)

Jenkins was for many years a prominent Labour member of parliament, and he combined that career with his activities as an historian. He wrote major biographies of Gladstone and Asquith, among others, before turning his attentions to Churchill. Well-informed, sensible, even-handed, highly critical and highly sympathetic, and well written, this biography has every characteristic you could hope for. Obviously the story of Churchill is incredible in many ways, and Jenkins is up to the task. In the end Jenkins concludes that Churchill was the greatest man ever to be prime minister of Britain. Available at Amazon for less than two dollars, also check the bargain section at Borders for a hard cover, I got mine there for ten bucks.

4) Salisbury: Victorian Titan by Andrew Roberts, (938 pages)

Roberts is only about 40 years old, but already has published a number of major books and will probably establish himself as the UK's leading Conservative historian. Salisbury was a Conservative prime minister and foreign minister for many years in the late Nineteenth and early Twentieth centuries, and somehow — bafflingly — he got lost in the historical shuffle. Roberts does a terrific job rescuing him. Salisbury was a tremendously important thinker as well as a successful politician, and Roberts is excellent on both aspects of his career. The book's only flaw is its inadequate portrayal of the Balkan question, which figured large in Salisbury's career. One of the characteristics that comes through very clearly is Salisbury's deviousness, and Roberts presents this without flinching. Available on Amazon for about 18 dollars.

5) From Dawn to Decadence by Jacques Barzun (877 pages)

Second only to Isaiah Berlin among the intellectual historians of the last century, this book is the summation of a freakishly long life: Barzun published this book in 2000, at the age of 93! When last I heard he was still going strong. Barzun traces the evolution of Western thought from the Renaissance till the present. He has little interest in flogging worn-out topics (like Marx), and spends a lot of time rescuing buried classics. Barzun writes in an unbelievably simple and zestful style that's a joy to read. The only weaknesses are the inattention to some of the Germans and Russians, but this book has such huge strengths that we'll forgive him. A veritable treasure trove. I couldn't find it on Amazon but it can't be too hard to get a copy. Any library will have it.

6) Disraeli by Robert Blake (819 pages)

Absolutely beautiful, the classic bio of classic bios. This wonderful book will take you through every aspect of Disraeli's fascinating and incredibly unusual life. Blake is the leading Conservative historian of the last century, and this is the book that substantiates that claim. Suffice it to say that I just read it for the third time. Any aspiring biographer must read this book and adopt it as a model. I couldn't find it on Amazon but a decent library should be able to get you a copy. It's a tragedy that this book is out of print.

7) The Proper Study of Mankind by Isaiah Berlin (667 pages)

Berlin was the greatest intellectual historian of the Twentieth Century and I think it's fair to say that he was one of the greatest writers and thinkers of all time. His preferred medium was the essay, and his works wound up terribly scattered. In recent years (Berlin died in 1997 at nearly 90) his literary executor, Henry Hardy, has been collecting his work and putting them out in book form. This volume contains — among other things — Berlin's famous essay on Tolstoy, "The Hedgehog and the Fox," and a phenomenal essay on Machiavelli, and a phenomenal essay on historical inevitability, and phenomenal essays on Boris Pasternak and Anna Akhmatova… Berlin was a deadly enemy of tyranny in any form, and he wielded an elegant pen. He was a great and good man. Available on Amazon for about 8 dollars.

8) A History of Zionism by Walter Laqueur (639 pages)

Laqueur is one of the few people able to write well on a great variety of topics. He's written books on guerrilla warfare and the Soviet Union, among many other subjects. This book takes the reader from the beginnings of modern, secular Zionism (going back to about 1862) to the formation of the state of Israel in 1948. It's a crazy, wildly improbable story, full of odd characters, odd debates, disaster and triumph. Laqueur knows his topic thoroughly, is sympathetic to it, and spares no criticism when he thinks it's due. Like all his books, it is even handed and well written. Available on Amazon for about a dollar!

9) The Bolsheviks by Adam Ulam (598 pages)

The late, great Ulam was for many years a professor at Harvard. He wrote an amazing number of books, and the ones I've read are all outstanding. This book focuses on Lenin and how he built his party and eventually seized power. It's yet another crazy story, full of still more weird characters, many of them — not least Lenin himself — utterly evil. Ulam knows his topic thoroughly, and not only does he sort through it meticulously, he does so with wit. As far as I can see, the book's only flaw is that it neglects to explain how the Bolsheviks built their party into a mass movement during the First World War. Aside from that omission, you can't go wrong with Ulam. If you like this one, don't miss his bio of Stalin. They're both available on Amazon for about five dollars.

10) The History of Saudi Arabia by Alexei Vassiliev (576 pages)

As the name suggests, Vassiliev is a Russian scholar. I found this book in the bibliography of one of Bernard Lewis' recent books. Of all the books on this list, this one is the only one that's not a pleasure to read. Page after page is "And then in 1779 Mohammed raided Achmed's encampment and killed his brother, and then in 1780 Achmed raided Mohammed's encampment and carried off 500 camels, and then in 1781…" On the other hand, Vassiliev obviously knows his topic, and he walks us through the entire excruciating story, starting with the earliest sources in the Eighteenth century and concluding in the very recent past. Religion, politics, and the oil industry are all covered well. The picture that emerges is hardly a pretty one. Basically the Saudis (that is, the royal family) are scum that happened to have a little more talent than their even dumber neighbors, and then found themselves sitting on an ocean of black gold. Get this: as recently as the 1950s 95% of the population was illiterate. If you manage to survive this book you will have gained a good introduction to the present crisis. It's available on Amazon for about 70 dollars, but a library should be able to get a copy for you.

11) The Last European War by John Lukacs (562 pages)

Nobody knows more about Twentieth century Europe than Lukacs. A profoundly conservative man, Hungarian Catholic by birth but living in the United States since 1946, Lukacs has written a pile of books and I've now read nearly half of them. Except for his oddly unsatisfactory book on modern America called "Outgrowing Democracy", all his books are tremendously impressive. This one covers the intellectual and political climate of Europe in the 1930s up to 1942. Need one add that it is a frightening and disheartening story? And now the Eurocreeps criticize us! Lukacs is wonderfully unorthodox and writes with the precision of a man who has spent much of his life learning languages. You will learn a lot from him. Read John Lukacs! Available on Amazon for about 12 dollars.
12) The Emergence of Modern Turkey by Bernard Lewis (511 pages). The runt of this litter is not to be missed. Lewis may be the most knowledgeable person on the planet, and in my opinion his wisdom is equal to his learning. This book tells the story of how Turkey found itself in a crisis in the mid-Eighteenth century and eventually emerged from it in the mid-Twentieth. Lewis reads 15 languages; as far as I can tell, they are: English, French, Spanish, German, Italian, Latin, Greek, Yiddish, Hebrew, Russian, Arabic, Turkish, Farsi, and… Syriac? Aramaic? Urdu? Maybe Sanskrit. Damn, and I have trouble with Spanish! To write this book Lewis had to sift through stacks of documents written in Turkish but with Arabic characters. (The Turks switched to Latin characters in the early 1920s.) One of the most important and overlooked countries in the world, the story of Turkey is fascinating (trust me) and this book will get you going. Lewis is a great writer, I've read half a dozen of his books, I'm in the midst of one right now, and he is not to be missed.

Well, class, you have a lot of homework to do. So get cracking!