August 22nd, 2005

He's Not Heavy, He's My History Book

 by Burt Prelutsky  
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California state assembly bill 756 would ban school districts from purchasing history textbooks that are longer than 200 pages.

As you may have noticed, when liberals want to stereotype conservatives, they usually bring up creationists as if every religious person in America discounts Darwin and walks around with his knuckles dragging on the ground.  In spite of having such obviously big brain types as Christopher and William Buckley, Dick Cheney, Walter Williams, John and Norman Podhoretz, Dennis Prager, Condoleezza Rice, Dick Rumsfeld, Robert Bork, Mark Levin, David Horowitz, Joseph Farah, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Antonin Scalia, Thomas Sowell, Charles Krauthammer and Michael Medved, on our side, the liberals much prefer to concentrate on simple, often ill-educated, but basically decent people who simply don’t happen to share their values.

On the other hand, when conservatives take on liberals, they don’t revile the under-educated blocs of voters who make up a major part of their party’s constituency, but instead target the kingpins of the left — the likes of Boxer and Feinstein, Clinton and Schumer, Murray and Reid, Pelosi and Byrd, Kennedy and Kerry, Leahy and Dean, George Soros and Michael Moore — people who are richer than God and have all the college degrees money can buy.

To give you some idea how liberals, when they’re in the majority, think, you merely have to consider California state assembly bill 756.  Hold on to your hats because this one’s a doozy.  It bans school districts from purchasing history textbooks that are longer than 200 pages!

One of the sponsors of the bill, assemblywoman Jackie Goldberg, in arguing on its behalf, actually said, “The schools are teaching kids with the same kinds of massive books that were used generations ago, although the world has changed significantly.”

Now if I follow what we’ll laughingly refer to as her logic, although we have many years of additional history to deal with, the obvious solution is to make the books much shorter.  Perhaps, if she had her way, Mrs. Goldberg would have the New York Times change its motto from All the News That’s Fit to Print to All the News That Fits.

But why stop there?  Why not cut every other word out of the Bible and every other page out of the dictionary?  Ten Commandments?  Why not five?  Seven deadly sins?  How about just two?

Let’s face it, assembly bill 756 sounds like a totally goofy notion at first.  But the more I think about it, the more sense it begins to make.  After all, when you stop and realize how dumb Mrs. Goldberg and her liberal colleagues in Sacramento must be, would you want to risk having your kids and grandkids using the same learning materials they used?

Education



Burt Prelutsky has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn, and Diagnosis Murder. He wrote a humor column for the Los Angeles Times and was the movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. His most recent book is Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco (A Hollywood Rightwinger Comes Out of the Closet).
BurtPrelutsky@aol.com
http://www.burtprelutsky.com/

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