By the time you are finished reading this column, “Three Amigos” will have illegally crossed into the United States.

Well, at least we don’t have a massive, festering, nasty mess on our hands. It could be worse; we could have thousands of people illegally crossing into the United States on a daily basis, lowering the wages of American workers, draining hospital and educational resources, and replacing American flags with foreign flags. Statistically speaking, by the time you are finished reading this column, “Three Amigos” will have illegally crossed into the United States.
  
The most aggravating suggestion of the illegal-immigrant advocates, which includes President Bush, is that American citizens are lazy. Well, too lazy to do “real” work, anyway. For starters, any job an “illegal” does I do on a regular basis. I do my own yard work, clean my own pool, wash my own clothes, walk my own dog, build my own deck, and clean my own dishes. Now, I understand that the Kennedy’s, The Clintons, the Bush family, and the editorial board of the Wall Street Journal might not do such third-world things as mow lawns, but most Americans would. If necessary, most Americans would do such thankless jobs for a living. Which brings me to…

Americans will do any job (yes, any job) if they are paid proper, competitive wages. Illegal immigration causes hiring wages to be artificially low since businesses can forego having to spend the wages they would otherwise have to pay to get a job done by American citizens. If a business cannot find anyone to work for real, non-artificial wages, then the business is either not paying high enough wages or it is incapable of bringing in the proper revenue to run a business.

Without the illegal immigrants, the laws of economics would kick in and require that businesses pay the proper wages for the job that the business wishes to get done. If they cannot afford to pay enough money to get the job completed, then their product or service is inessential. If it were essential, the customer would be willing to pay enough money to cover the costs that would enable the business be successfully maintained. Most likely, the businesses in question could afford to pay proper, competitive wages to Americans but wish to keep the extra profits for themselves. This enables the businesses to claim: “Americans will not do the job.”

Many politicians – mainly those who support the amnesty bill – can’t seem to discover that the word “illegal” belongs in front of the word “immigrant.” Ted Kennedy certainly can’t. But those of us who support ending illegal immigration while exporting those who are illegally here are chastised as being “anti-immigrant.” Most of us supposed “anti-immigrant” people fully support legal immigration and encourage aspiring Americans to enter the country through the proper means. Those who break the law should not be given special privileges over those who follow it.

Cries of protectionism aimed at those who oppose illegal-immigration are misguided. In reality, protectionism is when an entity wishes to protect its own goods and service industries from the competition of foreign entities. (As a hard-line free trader, I whole-heartedly oppose protectionism.) However, the principle of protectionism can only be fairly applied to those goods and services that enter the competitive marketplace or workplace through legal means and then compete fairly.

Legal immigrants fairly compete in the marketplace, but illegal ones do not. Since illegal immigrants do not play by the same rules as either Americans or legal immigrants, the prevention of their employment does not apply to protectionist standards given that their role in the marketplace is as an unfair competitor, a black market product if you will. Failure to criminalize the hiring of illegal immigrants is actually a protectionist method: It is protectionism by those who wish to hire illegal immigrants while making their wages uncompetitive and artificially low.

Ted Kennedy has picked up a second language: Spanish. Well, he has picked up enough phrases to excite a rallying crowd of legals, illegals, and professional protesters at least. Given that it is often difficult to understand his broken English (no pun intended… that’s a lie, it was intended), I wonder if he should tackle another language. However, in any language, it still remains true: Mary Jo Kopechne no esta disponible para el comentario.

If Mexicans are the hardest-working people on Earth – and according to the pro-amnesty politicians, Mexicans are much harder working than Americans – then why can’t they work to make their country better. Instead of coming to America, let them create their own version of America. Mexico has both the natural resources and the labor force to have a thriving economy. Want to be like America? Then do as the Americans do. Mexico needs to import economic and business strategies, not export citizens.

What magic wand do the pro-illegal-immigrant politicians expect to wave in order to actually enforce their inane bill? Do they think that a group of people who broke the law by entering the country and continue to break the law by remaining here would suddenly begin to voluntarily follow a law that requires them to pay money and meet various other requirements? Didn’t think so.

Have Mexican activists taken a page from the PLO? The Palestinians believe that Israel is theirs. Some Mexicans are now claiming that the southwestern part of America is theirs. At least they have not yet taken to armed aggression and fanatical suicidal bombings.

The rally organizers are getting better. Each new protest/rally/gathering brings a greater number of American flags. Unfortunately, many of the protesters can’t figure out that the flag should not be held on the ground or upside down. Maybe next week’s rally will show improvements.

The big lie: “America is a nation of immigrants.” This statement is not true, despite its constant usage. Many of us may be the children, grandchildren, or great-great-great grandchildren of immigrants, but most Americans are not immigrants. I am not an immigrant, nor were my parents or grandparents. By the reasoning of the “we’re all immigrants” line, every country on the planet is a “nation of immigrants” and we should all have free movement anywhere we want.

Assuming that 500,000 illegal aliens march across our border each year, three of them came across in the time you have read this column. It’s ok. We can worry about this “little problem” later.