Burt Prelutsky on Cynthia McKinney, handicapped parking spaces, and the missing link between fish and humans.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” wrote Charles Dickens, back in 1859. Well, here it is 2006, and I’d say his words are as accurate today as the day he wrote them. For some people, this is the best time to be alive, while, for others, it’s the pits. But for still other people, such as myself, it is, as usual, a matter of trying to uncover a bit of sanity midst all the chaos. Believe me, it’s like panning for gold in the gutter.
I’m reminded that when Irving Thalberg brought the Marx Brothers to MGM, he told Groucho that the reason their Paramount movies, such as Cocoanuts and Animal Crackers, hadn’t done well was because there was no let-up to the Marxian madness. Thalberg said that the audience needed a few breaks along the way. It was at Thalberg’s insistence that romantic subplots and musical interludes were interspersed with the hijinks. The result was that movies such as A Night at the Opera and A Day at the Races actually made money.
Well, that’s exactly what I need — a few breaks in the madness. In a world in which Representative Cynthia McKinney can behave like a spoiled brat, and paint herself as an innocent victim, I can do with a few musical interludes myself. McKinney, who has been elected to six terms in the House of Representatives for no better reason than that she has constituents who are even dumber than she is, wasted no time sharing photo ops with every left-wing black celebrity in America, from Harry Belafonte to Danny Glover. For good measure, instead of simply apologizing to the guard who was merely doing his thankless job, she dealt the race card from the bottom of the deck, demanding that he be fired.
That reminds me how the whole matter of equality in this country has been turned on its head. Whenever I hear about any group, be they blacks, Latinos, gays or lesbians, asking to be treated equally, I just about gag. We all know that groups of any stripe don’t ever want to be treated as equals; instead, they want and demand special treatment. For no other reason than that they are members of this group, they feel they’re unique and, therefore, entitled. What’s more, they don’t have to do anything in order to prove how extraordinary they are. They merely have to have a certain pigmentation or share a certain sexual proclivity. And, best of all, they don’t have to attend meetings or pay monthly dues.
Next, I’m annoyed by handicapped parking spaces. Now, understand, I don’t object to a few set-asides. What I do object to is that every other person seems to have a handicap sign on his windshield. Few things get me so riled up as driving round and round a parking lot while some joker who walks every bit as well as I do pulls into one of those spaces and then strolls away. If the person driving the car doesn’t get into a wheelchair, I say he should wind up in one!
Speaking of people getting away with stuff, if the Constitution prevents our deporting the corporate CEOs who out-source the jobs of hard-working Americans, the least we should do is publicize who these traitors are, so that decent people can shun them. A good start would be putting their faces on milk cartons and beer cans. If it were up to me, I’d put a scarlet G, for greedy, on their foreheads. Surely I can’t be the only person who thinks there should be a very real downside to downsizing.
Can we all agree that it is the height of hypocrisy when Democrats, who quickly attack right-wing clergy for speaking out on abortion or any other issue of public concern, keep their yaps zipped up tight when ministers such as Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson run for president? And I have yet to hear a single liberal take L.A.’s pedophile-protecting Cardinal Mahoney to task for being such a cheerleader for illegal immigration.
Finally, I’m wondering if I’m the only person who was surprised that scientists recently discovered the fossil of a strange fish-like creature they claim first crawled onto dry land about 375 million years ago. They’re calling it for reasons of their own the Tiktaalik roseae, and claiming it’s the missing link between fish and humans. I don’t mind telling you that the discovery cost me a pretty penny. In the office pool, my money was riding on Al Gore.
Now, do you better understand why I wish there were a break in the lunacy, and Tony Martin or Allan Jones would break into song?
I am now convinced there are people selling counterfait handicap stickers, because I've never ever seen a person who looked handicaped get out of a car parked in a handicap reserved spot. They all look as healty as anybody and they all walk like the rest of us; what are they doing with handicap stickers? Maybe handicaped people get a sticker for evey person in their family from spouse to half cousin, and for every friend they have ever had since kindergarten? They have suitcases full of handicap stickers maybe? I'm telling you I,ve never ever seen a handicaped person get out of a car with a handicap sticker…never ever…never. I wish I could hide a video at the handicap parking at my local walmart and get statistics on that racket, that scam going on. If a non-handicaped person parks in the handicap spot they should get a ticket no matter if the car has a sticker on, the sticker is not for the car but for the handicap person. We live in an era where victims or more precisely their friends and relatives are now the oppressors.
Re: Handicapped spaces.
I have a handicapped hang-tag. I often, but not always, park in the designated spots. I have 2 legs and look pretty normal. I pull up, usually driving too fast, Tom Petty playing really loud on my Jeep stereo. I have a few silly bumperstickrs and oddities on my car. I'm a young 45, have long hair, wear blue jeans or shorts or hiking clothes.
I DO use a cane, mostly for vanity reasons. It corrects my limp, so my walk is 'nicer'. I don't always carry it though. My cane also offers me a little support and stability for dizzy spells.
So you'd look at me and not see a handicap. That's because you can't see severe fatigue and chronic neurological and muscular pain. Someone with your narrow-minded mindset wants every handicap to be visible: a missing leg, a wheelchair, a bad limp.
The farther I walk, the stiffer my legs get. Without expensive drugs designed for narcoleptics, I am too tired to get out at all.
If I were forced to park at the back of the crowded mall parking lot, it would add walking time and effort that would further fatigue me, and make me hurt worse. I already take morphine and oxycontin and Vicodin and medical marijuana to help the pain.. but it doesn't work.
My medical condition has never been diagnosed. It exists, but doesn't have a name, therefore it doesn't have a cure. It's just some screwed up neurological thing that is most likely auto-immune.
It's a shame. You'd be happy I guess if you could SEE my handicap, my reason for parking up close. However, *I'D* be happy if you could FEEL my handicap. Then I'd like you to park around back or out on the outskirts of the parking lot, and walk up and down the mall and the parking lots.
I know your comment is old, but I just ran across it, looking for something else.
You know, once I parked at a Trader Joes, and some dude had the gall to publicly YELL at me for not looking handicapped enough. In front of people. That opinion was based on my pulling in rather fast, stereo too loud, etc. He shut up once he saw me get out of my jeep with my limp and my cane.
So, I won't apologize for not using a wheelchair or not looking handicapped enough. It sucks being handicapped at all, especially with not even a name for a damned disease hell bent on crippling me. Bad enough I have to deal with it, but to make matters worse, I have to deal with ignorant people. I hope, however, that now you see why some of us have handicapped parking stickers. Maybe you'll cut the handicapped a break. You can't always see our handicap.
And a side note to “Friend of USA”: read my comment above. My doctor wrote out my “prescription” for a handicapped tag. I’m sure, also, that some people lie to their doctors about the severity of their condition in order to get a parking tag. They’re lazy jerks.
But the dude above saying if we don’t get into a wheelchair, we should wind up in one, and your comment that you’ve NEVER seen a handicapped person emerge from a handicapped-marked car: what do you want?? The requirements to get a HC tag to be missing limbs? Paralyzation? Yes, I see abuse of the tags, too. Mom has one, say, so everyone takes HER car to the mall. Yeah it happens. But please remember that pain is as crippling as a visible limp or whatever it is you want to see.
But the real issue is: Why does this concern you?? Are you so bitter and boring that all you can do is sneer at people who “got a better parking spot than you “?? Think about this:
1. Be happy you don’t NEED a handicapped spot.
2. Know that a few years ago I was an avid hiker of these local mountains, and now an unknown disease is slowly and painfully crippling me. You look at me with disdain cause I don’t LOOK handicapped enough, and I look at you with envy cause you’re NOT handicapped.
You both seriously need to get lives. Focus on the good things you have, and not on who looks like their limping enough to “deserve” that front door parking spot. As I see it, I don’t “DESERVE” that spot either. I took care of myself, loved hiking, love the outdoors.. what did *I* do to deserve to get some stupid disease?
Get a life. The one you have is real real sad. My legs don’t work like they used to, but both my brain and my heart still do. They don’t give handicapped stickers to people like you, who’s brain and heart are apparently completely disabled. Shame. Guess you’ll have to walk.