Bargain-Rate Bribes
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by Burt Prelutsky | May 24th, 2006

How is it that so many politicians place so little value on their own reputation?

 

As Shakespeare once observed, more or less, who steals my purse steals trash, blah blah blah, but he that filches from me my good name, yada yada yada, makes me poor indeed.

Well, the Bard of Avon and the Burt of North Hills are in total agreement regarding the importance of one’s reputation, although I do think he went slightly overboard with that trash line.  I can only assume the Bard never had his wallet lifted, and then had to go about replacing his driver’s license, and all those Visa, MasterCharge, Social Security, Medicare, and Auto Club, cards.

I have no reason to think that Bill and I are the only people who, like Cyrano de Bergerac, regard our reputations as white plumes well worth defending, even at the point of a sword.  So, tell me, how is it that so many politicians, no matter their party, place so little value on their own?

I was just a kid when one of Eisenhower’s closest associates, Sherman Adams, saw his own career scuttled when it came out that he’d accepted a vicuna coat from someone who wanted access to the White House.

It wasn’t too many years later that Lyndon Johnson’s protégé, Bobby Baker, saw his future turn to ashes when he accepted a stereo set from somebody whose name wasn’t Santa Claus.

These days, we see the folks up on Capitol Hill running around in a panic, trying to pass measures to deal with ethics violations.  And just what are we talking about?  What is it that has these congressmen and senators in such a tizzy?  What is it they have to vow never to do again?  Hold on to your hats, boys and girls.  These assorted millionaires have to make the ultimate sacrifice.  They have to promise to pay for their own vacations, their own rounds of golf, and even — dare I say it? – their own lunches!

Now, please understand, I am not claiming to be a saint.  Heck, if I were in congress on Pork Barrel Day and a lobbyist offered me $10 million to vote for some unnecessary bridge being built in Alaska or for a highway leading from no place to nowhere in West Virginia, I just might take it.

But, for crying out loud, how proud can I be when people boast about America’s having the best politicians money can buy when I know the bozos can be had for the price of a coat, a stereo, or even a ham sandwich?!

Labels: Politics: General, Humor

Burt Prelutsky has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn, and Diagnosis Murder. He wrote a humor column for the Los Angeles Times and was the movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. His most recent book is Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco (A Hollywood Rightwinger Comes Out of the Closet).
BurtPrelutsky@aol.com
Visit their website at: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/

Read more articles by Burt Prelutsky on IntellectualConservative.com

 

Responses to "Bargain-Rate Bribes"

  1. So Burt, in your opinion, the sale of a man's integrity should have a much higher sticker price?

    Comment by rainwolf | May 24, 2006

  2. Rainwolf, I am hoping that Burt's ambiguity is tongue in cheek. On the other hand, his failure to appreciate the superb interstate highways that ease your drive through the mountain maze of WVA gives me pause. Wait, have I just posted a sticker price, too?
    All seriousness aside, having the courage to cherish integrity in our jaded time deserves praise.

    Comment by Bill White | May 25, 2006

  3. I think Burt is ignoring the context of Bill's writing.

    Much of Shakespeare's life was lived during the reign of just one monarch, but the stories of the massive corruption of the Protectorship of the Duke of Somerset and the attempts by Northumberland(?) to seize power were fresh in history.

    Henry VIII had set the stage for a Protestant England, Mary Tudor violently went backwards, and probably seized towns worth of Protestant lands, and then Elizabeth I became the first official Protestant monarch, and Catholic lands were probably again seized.

    To have one's land stolen by a monarch was an event that could simply happen, and did. I know most conservatives are still gnashing their teeth over a skeezy, run-down tract of houses across the river from a major Pfizer office park that Kelo handed to the corporation (while they skillfully ignore the 1954 Berman decision, which amounts to the same decision), it does not happen that often nowadays (GW Bush's machinations to steal land for "Enron Stadium" notwithstanding).

    If something might come or go,
    beyond any or all control you might have,
    if the cops rarely catch,
    pickpockets and sneak theives,
    what sense could there be
    in fretting these things,
    anyway?

    In a world of plagues and robbers
    when certainly no poor playwright
    could protect his own
    with an army or a wall
    dignity
    was all some people had.

    Comment by JS Narins | May 25, 2006

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