The main reason I place no stock in conspiracy theories is because I happen to believe that if two people know a secret, one of them will tell someone else within 17 seconds.
Recently, I wrote a piece in which I scoffed at people who seem to thrive on conspiracy theories. Well, as to be expected, I heard from a number of them. Most of them, I’m happy to report, were congenial. Instead of the usual name-calling I get when folks disagree with me, they mainly gave me credit for being well-intentioned, but hopelessly naïve.
I have concluded that there are those who simply can’t help viewing the world as a series of conspiracies. If something bad occurs, it’s never simply an act of God or an unfortunate accident. Some cabal is behind the curtain, causing even hurricanes and tidal waves. If not for the conspirators lurking in the shadows, these people are convinced this would be a paradise unblemished by famine, pestilence or even, I suppose, Jim Carrey movies.
It’s fair to say that, by and large, I don’t believe in conspiracies. Oh, I accept that the Mafia exists, but I do not believe that someone invented a little pill that would power a car, thus freeing us of our dependence on you-know-what, and that he was killed and his pill was swallowed by the CEO of Shell Oil. I also do not believe that someone else sealed his own doom by inventing a light bulb that would last 5,000 years or a perpetual motion machine or a cloth that would never wear out.
The main reason I place no stock in conspiracy theories is because I happen to believe that if two people know a secret, one of them will tell someone else within 17 seconds. If more than two people are privy to the secret, you can cut that time in half.
In my experience, it’s always people who have no real access to big secrets who are always sure they know the straight poop. They may not know that their wife is carrying on a torrid affair with the next door neighbor, but they know who was on the grassy knoll down in Dallas. They have no idea that their kids are flunking out of junior high, but they know all there is to know about black helicopters and what the space aliens out in Roswell, New Mexico, had for breakfast this morning. They may not know how to spell NASA, but they’re convinced that the moon landing was staged in a studio outside Newark.
When I was very young, most conspiracy buffs devoted their undivided attention to flying saucers. Even as a kid, I was willing to bet that it would take two of these guys working together to break 100 on an IQ test. It struck me, but not them, that it was very odd that these sightings always seemed to take place in very out of the way places. I used to wonder why these creatures from another galaxy would bother flying millions of miles only to land in some godforsaken Mississippi swamp and talk things over with Lum and Abner when they could have flown for another few minutes and had a heart-to-heart with the President.
I could come to only one of two conclusions. Either they had come all this way to get a recipe for barbecued possum or some fair number of my fellow earthlings were just incredibly goofy.
BurtPrelutsky@aol.com
http://www.burtprelutsky.com/
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I quote you, "I happen to believe that if two people know a secret, one of them will tell someone else within 17 seconds. If more than two people are privy to the secret, you can cut that time in half."
This would seem to be the statement of a person who doesn't understand totalitarianism. The threat of death is a real incentive to keep one's mouth shut. If you don't believe in conspiracies, visit Ted Gunderson's website, as senior an FBI agent as can exist, having headed the FBi's office in Los Angeles and being a Senior Agent, and read some of what this expert in investigations and evaluating evidence has to say about some of the things happening in this country. Maybe you'll change your mind a little bit. There are some "experts" out there who know what they are talking about when it comes to conspiracies.
Comment by MARK | August 31, 2006
I'm a fan of conspiracy theories myself, and the more outrageous and
implausible the explanation, the better. That doesn't mean I believe them,
but I do enjoy them. I'm working on one right now to explain that
Johnson had Kennedy assassinated because he wanted to date Jackie.
But there is a perfectly logical explanation as to why aliens would visit
the middle of nowhere. They're all having a good laugh right now about the
person they frightened, and are guessing at the stories he's telling his friends.
Comment by Lane Russell | September 1, 2006
Things aren't always what they seem. This, by virtue of man's
ability to hypothesis creates some of the conspiracy theories.
To totally dismiss that there is no impetous for what people are
trying to explain, from what they observe, is short sighted as
well.
I'll give you this much, I once found myself telling someone that
probably the worst thing a person could do, if they wanted to perform anonimous acts of kindness or goodness, would be to join a society established for that purpose.
To really do something secretly it must be done by one person alone.
Comment by Thomas | September 7, 2006
Have you ever noticed that there are no conspiracy theories where the best possible explanation for each of a series of events is assumed and then all are tied together? No, they are usually like a horror movie, and so give us the chills. Why else bother? Oooooh. Spookie. Now that is the kind of Globalizing that gets us into real trouble.
Comment by Cynthia | September 9, 2006