Democrats Hate Little Children (Allah Be Praised)

 by Phillip Ellis Jackson  

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To make myself immune from criticism for anything I say, I’ve decided to convert to the Religion of Peace.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the latest Republican outrage to hit the national scene, that is, Ann Coulter’s “gay” comments regarding presidential candidate John Edwards.  The reaction from the liberal press speaking on behalf of offended people everywhere was immediate and near-universal in its vociferous condemnation of her words and the apparent meaning behind them.

The reason for this is obvious.  Such hate-speech cannot be tolerated in a country that values the First Amendment rights granted to all our citizens, particularly when a self-defined minority is singled out for abuse.  It doesn’t matter who used the gay-word, or gay-analogy, or any other minority-insensitive phrase to make their political point.  It was an inexcusable act that was intrinsically wrong, and must be condemned by every good American.

That is, unless you are Bill Maher speaking on Larry King Live who suggested that Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman is gay.  Or Senator Robert Byrd, who used the N-word on live TV.  Or Democrats who compared John Ashcroft’s Attorney General nomination to a lynching party.  Or Al Sharpton, who said that Republican efforts in 2001 to follow the law in counting electoral ballots were like Nazis going after the Jews.  Or any of the hundreds of thousands of personal attacks against George W. Bush for wanting to do everything from exterminate the Black race, to taking delight in the deaths of innocent Iraqi children.

Now your first temptation, like mine, might be to sluff this whole thing off to a double standard where Liberals get a pass for saying exactly the same thing that Conservatives are routinely vilified for.  I will admit there’s an element of truth to this.  Had Trent Lott made the identical birthday wish to former Ku Klux Klan Grand Dragon Robert K. Byrd that he wished to Strom Thurmond, there would have been near-universal praise — not condemnation — for Lott’s “personal growth” in office.

But this only sets the stage, so to speak, for the real answer to explain this double standard.  Sure the ideological mind-meld of reporter and offending-politician is crucial in determining whether the offending remarks will ever rise to the level of public condemnation.  But there is another critical element at work here that we all intuitively recognize, like the crazy Aunt hidden in the upstairs bedroom that Ross Perot was so fond of speaking about, but we dare not speak publicly about for fear of being condemned as an insensitive, uncaring brute.  I’m speaking about the fact that Byrd, Maher, Sharpton, et.al. are not criticized for what they say because, well, everyone knows they’re just a bunch of morons, and therefore nobody really takes anything they say seriously.

Listening to Liberals and Democrats is like watching a group of ten-year-olds on the school playground call someone a stinky-pants, or say that they’re ugly, or insist that their mother never really liked them.  Nobody really analyzes what they say.  You don’t find their teacher sniffing around little Johnny’s trousers to see if he’s actually emitting a foul odor, or sizing up little Suzie for a nose job and other plastic surgeries, or calling Tommy’s Mom to see if she does love her little boy after all.

Instead, you treat the remarks for what they actually are; silly, infantile expressions coming from a group of children who really don’t know any better, and as such can’t be held to the same standard as an adult.  Contrast this with the same comment made by little Johnny/Suzie/Tommy’s teacher, and you’d see him or her put on suspension pending a full disciplinary hearing before the board of education.

And so it is that the Left can say just about anything they want — from commenting on race relations, to sexual orientation, to the war in Iraq — and no matter how egregiously stupid they act or sound the press isn’t going to call them on it.  But let the “adults” (that is, Republicans and Conservatives) comment on the same subject matter, and every word, punctuation mark and/or nuance of what they say is scrutinized for content which is then used to criticize them.

So what are we to do, given this new awareness of why our side is routinely condemned for saying things that are infinitely less controversial than the bilge pouring from the mouths of so many leftists?  There’s really only one answer.

Convert to Islam.

Next to Liberals and Democrats, the only group saying stupider things and getting away with it are the Islamo-fascists.  Unlike the Lib/Dems, though, they have more than a sympathetic press to protect them.  If you disagree with the Islamo-Nazis by publishing an unflattering cartoon, or watching the wrong kind of movie, or letting your woman drive, or shaving, or doing anything else that offends Islam, they don’t just call you a bunch of nasty names.  They threaten to kill you.

So, to make myself immune from criticism for anything I say, I’ve decided to temporarily convert to the Religion of Peace.  From now on, if you don’t accept every word I write, I will issue a Phil-twah (my version of the fatwah) against you.  I will call upon my Islamic brethren to defend the honor of my faith and scare you into ignoring the consequences of anything I do or say. 

If Democrat Congressman Major Owen can say that a million slaves were thrown overboard and eaten by sharks (which still follow the slave routes to this day looking for new bodies), and no one from the press points out the stupidity of his remarks for the reasons I noted above, then I can say with equal certainty that Democrats hate little children.  My evidence?  Well, who said anything about evidence?  I’m making the statement as a matter of faith, and using my Phil-twah to back it up.  Case closed.

Since the national press isn’t interested in really understanding what Conservatives and Republicans say or believe, our only hope is to level the playing field with the Liberal Democrats by swaddling ourselves in the embrace of Islam so nothing that we say will be challenged or condemned.

If you think this is a particularly stupid idea, I strongly suggest that you keep your opinion to yourself.  I’m not some ridiculous Christian anymore whose faith you can insult with bogus documentaries on Jesus’ lost tomb or some DaVinci Code mockery.  I’ve joined the fastest growing religion on the planet that just happens to elevate men above women — who have no rights other than those men grant them, not that the feminists in the United States seem to mind, since defeating George Bush and the evil Republican/Conservatives is clearly a more pressing issue. 

In short, my stupidity is now on par with other protected classes, and the rules of modern conversation not only require you to acknowledge this, but to embrace it as a good and progressive thing.  So if you do want to comment on what I’ve said, I expect complete agreement.

Remember, there’s no “turn the other cheek” in the Religion of Peace, any more than there is the expectation of accountability in the comments made by a Liberal or Democrat. 

Phillip Bin-Ellis Jackson

Politics: General

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