McCain's Wrinkles vs. Obama's Cancer Sticks

 by Ben-Peter Terpstra  

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Will the real health issues please stand up?

While Time magazine is happy to devote pages to McCain’s dead melanoma (R.I.P.), and his wrinkles, I’m waiting for my cover story, on Obama’s drug history, from tobacco to pot. So, will the real health issues please stand up?

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Question 1:  I’m concerned. Obama made a promise to his wife to quit the cancer sticks. Now, he claims that he has “fallen off the wagon.” Moreover, there are questions surrounding the timeframe around his relapses. “Months,” he said. It sounds rather vague – don’t you think? 

Dr. Anonymous: You are right to raise your eyebrows. In point of fact, even ABC News (June 10, 2008) reports that: “The release of a scant one-page summary for 21 years of care brought some criticism to the Obama campaign – especially when compared to the thousands of pages of medical records released by McCain.” Altogether now: Mmm.

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Question 2: I fail to understand why reporters are downplaying Obama’s addiction. Crusading Democrats were always prophesying about the evils of Big Tobacco, but now they have made peace with Obama’s cancer sticks. Is this ethical?

Dr. Anonymous: I take your point seriously. Yet, Michael Currie Schaffer writes in The New Republic Online that: “For the sake of his lungs, it's a struggle he should try to win. For the sake of his electoral ambitions, he might want to keep lighting up.” Indeed, he argues that smoking is cool, which, in my view, puts Obama at odds with Clinton’s “No Smoking” White House, and his party – a point not lost to doctors.

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Question 3: WISC-TV points to one poll, which reveals that 69 percent of Democrats support the idea of a statewide smoking ban, in Wisconsin. Yet and still, I wonder: Why is Obama puffing like a chimney, while groaning about this “global” warming?

Dr. Anonymous: Yes, he reminds me of one Al Gore, the hybrid. (He was half an environmentalist, and half a Big Tobacco profiteer.) Nevertheless, perhaps he is psychologically or physically addicted to his “cancer sticks.”  Perhaps he feels compelled to puff in order to function. But, in truth, he probably just lacks self-control.
 
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Question 4: Why are Time’s reporters picking on McCain’s wrinkles?

Dr. Anonymous: The elite media is going after McCain’s age for three reasons. First, they hate Republicans. (Remember how they mocked Reagan?) Second, they will use ageist arguments, if it serves their agenda. (Is this election more about the press’s ageism or “America’s racism”?) Third, they’re hypocrites. (If a man’s health, as opposed to his age is the key issue, then where are my medical reports on Obama’s lungs?)

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Question 5: Time advances the argument that “global warming” is our “WWIII” – but also that elderly environmentalists are our best soldiers. What’s your take?

Dr. Anonymous: Good call. Time’s special “Heroes of the Environment” issue, October, 2007, the Democratic Party’s favorite magazine, praises Theo Colborn for her fighting spirit. (“At age 80, she continues to blaze a trail with her work on the health effects of pollution” in spite of breaking her “back in an accident.”)

Likewise, Time heaps praise on Norman Myers, 73, for “posing new questions” while George Schaller, now 74, is meant to be a “legendary biologist” who still “fosters man’s soulful connection with animals in order to protect wildlife.” They’re all “soldiers.”

Other allegedly green and definitely grey leaders include: Mikhail Gorbachev, David Attenborough, Prince Charles, Jose Goldenberg, and of course, David Suzuki, the hysterical carbon-neutral Canadian. Only McCain’s age is an issue!

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Question 6: Is your real name Mark Steyn? (Just joking!) My real question: What do you think the National African American Prevention Network, an anti-smoking operation, makes of Obama’s addiction?

Dr. Anonymous: Didn’t he smoke in front of the cameras in 2007? Big Tobacco must love him. Still, Obama fetishists will ignore their own warnings against the “evil” cigarette, even if it means throwing the children under the bus, for Obama’s campaign. Yes, how does the National African Prevention Network see this? Good question. 

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Question 7: What do you make of Obama’s health?

Dr. Anonymous: He’s awfully skinny for an allegedly “handsome” candidate. This will raise questions. The medical establishment’s health concerns (available on the QUIT website to all smokers) are as follows:

• Obama’s doctors must know that, according to sources, smoking causes around 40% of all strokes, in smokers under 65 years of age.

• Obama’s smoke probably contains over 50 chemicals linked to cancer.

• Obama’s favorite rags regularly wail about the cancers smoking causes, from oesophagus pancreas to bone marrow (myeloid leukemia).

• Obama’s spin machine must know that, “Smokers experience earlier and more pronounced facial wrinkling especially around the eyes and mouth.”

And, how will this story unfold? Watch this space! Or Obama’s face.

Elections & Political Parties, Humor

Read more articles by Ben-Peter Terpstra