Absurdistan Weekend Update #9: From Big-Foot to Flat-footed

 by Bob Stapler  

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Over at CNN.com they are seriously entertaining Big Foot as a real possibility. Since the original story broke August 15, it has been discovered the frozen corpsicle of the Hairy One is made of rubber.  Now Tom Biscardi, who goes by the title of the "Real Big-Foot Hunter," claims the two discoverers got a cash advance from him for the rights to the carcass and now wants the two jokers prosecuted.  Can we say: "a fool and his money?"  I agree with the CNN post-commentator who remarks, “jail time b/c you believe an elaborate hoax?  Please . . . ha-ha . . . they got you . . .” and another who compares CNN to a tabloid.  Such is the demise of the once mighty Canard News Network.

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Americans need to chill out, whines SF Gate travel writer John de Graff.  Danger, Danger!  We’re going to die if we don’t emulate Europeans, our children will suffer "nature-deficit disorder," while we, ourselves, indulge in fits of "Irritable Growl Syndrome" (expect these terms to turn up in mainstream medical lexicography), plus anything else we can think of with which to frighten the self-indulgent and weak-minded into the latest post-modern hypochondria.  De Graff says, “If there's one thing Americans need more of, it's vacation time.”  And, not just vacation, but vacations with a destination.  Because he’s also a lib, he opines it is all the fault of our capitalist system.  What rubbish!  This time we’re to rise up petitioning government to "give us" more time to recreate, ruminate, and reconnect with family and nature.

To bolster his argument, de Graff throws out an anecdotal claim that vacation-deficiency is responsible for a battery of stress-related medical conditions.  I am not sure where he got the two-to-one ratio because he provides no sources (relying on us not checking, no doubt . . . so I did).  The claim that heart-disease, hypertension and Type-2 diabetes after age 50 are twice that of Europe is not borne out by statistics.  Ditto for diabetes and hypertension (some Europeans suffer a bit more hypertension).  Note only data for the U.S., U.K., Canada and Australia for these diseases are even reliable, with many of the data for the rest of Europe extrapolated from the more reliable data sets (which makes the comparison one-to-itself).   Note also that the populations of the U.S. and Europe are both skewed by WWII (baby-boomer gap), data for ex-communist countries are highly inaccurate and out of date, and data for Western Europe suffer differences in medical classifications and reportage (i.e., different data collection motivations and models) to be useful.  The death-rates of these diseases have been lower in countries like Japan and France for decades, but are converging with the American rate; while the American rate has been falling steadily since 1950 despite a supposed trend toward workaholism.  Japan, a nation of workaholics, has (and always has had) the lowest incidence of all three among the seven countries compared.  As the Japanese have learned to relax, their heart-disease rate has gone up slightly rather than down as predicted by de Graff.  The diseases most cited are common to those over 50, whereas people in super-poor countries rarely reach an age where these things matter.  De Graff’s argument is therefore bogus; in part, because he has mixed the socialist notions of some European countries with results in others having nothing to do with those notions (e.g., many elderly Europeans lived through stressful, difficult times with no vacation until communism collapsed).  European "quality time" is a recent phenomenon that cannot possibly explain the slight (assumed) European advantage.  The supposed 2:1 incidence of these conditions does not square with the small expectancy difference; which is only about 4% greater than ours and statistically un-differentiable.  If heart-disease were really double that of Europe (assuming the writer has an independent source for European rates), wouldn’t the age-expectance difference be significantly greater?  (Perhaps it is only double within a narrow age group (say 50-55?) or maybe this is double a very small, statistically insignificant number, i.e. 2 × 0 = ?).     Since de Graff does not share with us the magnitude of this statistic, we have only his word it is significant.  Note also, we’re talking about three conditions that are small among those under 50, and only become significant because we reach a historically "ripe" old age.  Both Americans and Europeans benefit from greater prosperity, lifestyle and healthcare than the rest of the planet; and if Europeans are doing ever so slightly better, it is not because we lack mandated paid vacations and similar vote-pandering giveaways, it is because we are more prosperous; making us individually able to improve our condition but, ultimately, exposing us to the ailments of greater age.

As a long-time employee, I get 5 weeks vacation a year, 3 more than I can reasonably use in any year.  Most years, I have to carry over one week of vacation I can’t use (it would be more, but the company has a policy against it).  So, actually, I have 6 weeks, 4 of which are surplus.  Not everyone hates his job so much we need constant refreshing or else go postal.  Most Americans have jobs not greatly different from mine; the exception being those just starting out (far from needing breaks from the stress of working as stock-boy, paper-filer, pool-sweeper or garbage-collector) and those who trade high-stress jobs lacking benefits for high earnings sans knowledge or skills (phone-solicitors, car-salesmen, brokers, etc).  I have held a variety of jobs over the years, some of which rank high on the stress-o-meter, yet I never felt a need to take breaks.  The reason is simple: cakewalk or killer, I’ve always had jobs that gratify some part of me.  If you’re stuck in some job you hate so much all you can think about is breaks and years-to-retirement, you need to find a job you can’t conceive ever leaving.  If you believe, as de Graff does, the problem is too little down-time, maybe the real problem is a poor attitude toward work.  The glass is half [you fill in the blank].

This may shock the de Graffs of the world, but the reality is some of us suffer a surfeit of vacations.  It is time we don’t use other than hanging around the house driving the wife batty (may have something to do with the high divorce rate, ours and Europe's).  Vacation trips are expensive and, with the current price of gasoline, much discouraged.  How many more trips can you make in a given year to theme parks and worldly wonders?  If more vacation is given than we can use, we end up straining to fill the excess.  We lose interest even before running out of nifty ideas where to go.  Most of us wind up taking single days off to do projects that are more demanding, tiring and stressful than our jobs, and we do so because that’s of greater importance and satisfaction to us than time spent relaxing.  How often have you felt like you’ve wasted valuable time or money taking trips you really didn’t need and don’t really help you relax.  And, if you don’t take the vacation time, are made to feel guilty by wife and kids and co-workers less appreciative of the gift of work.

Here’s a scenario for you (I’m sure most of us have hit this particular wall sometime): You’re sitting on a beach starring at a sunset thinking you could be doing something useful, creative or just keeping busy.  You think of that perfect job you have, the one you worked your way up to because it’s the thing that turns you on most; but you push that away because you are not supposed to be thinking about work.  You are supposed to be relaxing.  Instead of relaxed, however, you’re sitting on this over-heated, over-rated beach hoping for a glimpse of youthful flesh your wife won’t notice.  The next moment, you realize you’re old enough to be that sexy . . . well cute really . . . thing’s granddad (shame on you!) and force yourself back to reading a book that doesn’t really interest you but which you bought so you’d have something to do sitting here other than listening to the sweetheart of 30+years drone on about the dank and claustrophobic hotel room and pricey/indifferent cuisine. You have an epiphany.  Oh my, you think, maybe she’s going crazy from it too but won’t say so?  Nah! So back you go to reading your book.  Does it get any better than this!

No doubt the nanny-state will have punishments for those of us who (failing to appreciate all they do for us) fail to use up our vacation entitlement; just as they punish the employer who fails to enforce.  The article itself reads more like Madison Avenue hype describing an impossible alternate reality than genuine concern for our wellbeing.  Nowhere in the article does it even mention there can be too much of a good thing.  It just assumes (because the author is a travel-writer) vacations and travel are crucial.   Tell folks it’s something we must have and make it look sexy and (sappy consumers that we are) we eat it up.  Yeah, yeah . . . I need more vacation . . . gimme more!  If I don’t get more vacation, why, why, I may just vomit!  Way to chill.

P.S., in case my boss is reading this: just kidding about there being too much vacation and the job ain’t all that perfect that I’d take a pay cut.

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Also from SF Gate is an article reporting out-of-work construction workers going back to school to become “green-collar” workers.  They are being sold a bill-of-goods that they will soon be raking in the greenbacks.  This is not the first time I’ve seen this, except this time it is state institutions of higher learning doing the fleecing.  In the late-1970s and early 1980, we saw a similar spate of strike-before-closing educational opportunities promising ground-floor opportunities in solar-heating, solar-power, biomass, geothermal, wind-generation, and other (then) crude technologies.  Some of them will find work, but most will find these are areas saturated by tradesmen with a lock on the business.  Here’s a clue for guys like Hernandez who imagine this gives them the advantage: if the market shifts to green-construction, do you really imagine established contractors are just going sit on their thumbs while you take the work away from them.  Green construction is "in lieu of," not "in addition to," yet the skills involved are no different.  It means the wall panel you nail up is made from recycled materials or the light-bulb you screw in is compact-fluorescent.  We do expect to see some growth and they will get some work out of it due to government market meddling, but, as then, I expect it will be a sporadic interest creating temporary distortions that do more to frustrate job hopefuls than it helps.

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AP writer David Caruso whines that New York carwash workers are getting hosed on their wages, the crux of his argument being they are paid less than minimum-wage and working more than the 40-hour limit; and, oh by-the-way, they’re mostly illegal-aliens but let’s not get into that.  Neither Caruso nor state-inspectors nor NY cops in the story show much interest in that irrelevancy, and no where does he tell us there’s a sweep to process and deport them.  The obvious (to me) answer to these car-wash operators "exploiting" illegal-workers is to prosecute employers hiring illegals and ship the illegals home.  Then, out-of-work Americans can compete to fill the vacuum.  Oh, I’m sorry.  These are jobs no self-respecting Americans will take at any wage.  Does it occur to Caruso if carwash operators are forced to pay minimum-wage, they will, more likely, cut jobs and raise prices?  We can be pretty sure the moment they raise prices, Caruso or someone like him will scream we are being gouged.

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A recent study reported in the Baltimore Sun regarding differences between Baltimore City and surrounding counties contains no surprises to Central Marylanders regarding the lax (thug-tolerant) [in]justice dispensed in Baltimore.  For years, discussion of Baltimore’s high crime rate has revolved around the combination of crime-encouraging liberal policies and indifferent prosecution.  Now, Baltimore City State’s Attorney Patricia Jessamy and City Judges are crying foul even before the report has been issued and are working to have the findings suppressed.  So much for the greater accountability and transparency promised by this [Democrat] administration.

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Another Sun article inanely bemoans people stubbornly clinging to creature comforts despite a "looming recession."  Just possibly, they haven’t tightened their belts because there is no recession and no feeling-the-pinch.  Oh sure, we’re all frustrated by gas prices, but that’s normal.  I’ve been hearing of the looming recession non-stop since a Democrat no longer filled the Oval Office.  We can be sure the moment a Democrat does, the "looming recession" will be over and no prospect of one even should stagflation and/or unemployment hit double digits.  Higher gas prices may curb our driving habits somewhat and it is human nature to gripe about prices even as they are falling.  That doesn’t make it a recession, but it could should our liberal press keep up the economy-depressing drumbeat.  They will of course, because this is an election year and nothing gets undecideds to vote Democrat like economic uncertainty.  It could be raining dollar bills, and liberals would insist the sky is falling.  Trust liberals to find the cloud in every silver-lining.

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I suppose I can’t let the week pass without making at least one comment on the first Obama-McCain Non-Debate.   I am not going to analyze the whole thing, because that would be an article unto itself.  If you want a good analysis of the candidates’ responses, start with Rachel Alexander’s.  Instead, I want to focus on stage-handling aspects.  As a means of contrasting the candidates, it was amateurishly bungled by the mediator Pastor Warren.  How was it bungled?  He promised to ask the same questions of both candidates, yet the format used (isolation, ‘cone of silence’) precluded McCain from ever hearing the questions framed the same they were put to Obama.  Because Obama went first (out of McCain’s hearing), he enjoyed long lead-ins from Warren framing each question, whereas those to McCain were terse and assumed information evident to the audience.  A professional and scrupulous presenter will present each question following a script, providing to each the same precise language, order, and slant.  Warren’s sloppy manner of presentation, combined with unnecessary chit-chat, took the candidates in different directions.  Moreover, his obvious coaching of Obama through potential minefields while leaving McCain to his own devices (as both ought to have been treated) was inherently unfair in the context of a contest.  However, and as you will see, it didn’t seem to help Obama all that much because Warren wandered off-topic so often and indulged in irrelevancies as to make the whole thing incomprehensible.  He kept interrupting both candidates as well, again forcing them off-topic.  For example, one of the first things he asked Obama was, “What would be . . . the greatest moral failure in your life? And what would be the greatest moral failure of America?”  Hardly had Obama begun when Warren interrupted to tell us what he sees as America’s great failing (couched in scripture and socialism), then wandered off into questions of party loyalty.  This derailed Obama from ever answering the second part of the question — we never hear his answer.  In that instance, however, it is clear that Warren realized this was a question that could only hurt Obama, making me suspect that it was intentional.  Technically, Pastor Warren asked the same question of both, but he didn’t give each the same opportunity to answer.  Asked the same question, McCain answered fulsomely and to mild applause.  The feeling I got is that the good reverend tried hard to help both men deliver great performances and emerge as equals.  Reading through the transcript, I’ve learned more of Pastor Warren’s views than either candidate’s.  Somehow, I don’t think he’s quite grasped this is a competition between opposed views, only one of which can or should prevail – and not especially his own views.

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The Denver Post reports individuals as yet to be arrested at the Democrat National Convention will be incarcerated at an industrial warehouse with chain-link cells topped by razor wire, a facility some are calling "Gitmo on the Platte."  The Denver sheriff's office has concerns the warehouse will be inadequate to handle the flow.  The ACLU and People’s Law Project are lined up to do a brisk business defending "political-prisoners" unfairly accused.  Now, what should surprise no one is the presumption of a priori disorderly conduct by Democrats at their own convention, a presumption not mirrored at conservative gatherings (other than as bogus misrepresentation and transference).  What provisions there are at Republican gatherings are to handle liberal party-crashers, not rowdy or disgruntled conservatives upsetting the show.   The farce here is even Democrat organizers assume this level of disruption from their own base, and are forced to brace for it accordingly.  Among those complaining strenuously against the arrangements, ironically, is Mark Cohen of the protest group Recreate-68 Alliance.  For those too young to recall, the 1968 Democrat convention was notorious for being the most riotous convention ever; due to the incitement of the Chicago Eight.  Despite this dubious distinction, the 1968 DNC Convention is regarded by the Left as a badge-of-honor victory over reason celebrated in song, story, film and fable; pretty much setting the stage for the accepted radical enforcement of party purity we see today.  Clearly, Mr. Cohen is anxious he may spend time in this less than cozy setup himself.
 
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That’s the news from Absurdistan.  I hope the news, where you are, is all good.

Culture: General

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