Is 24 a "Republican" show?

Twentieth Century Fox’s 24 is an evil, right-wing, Republican action series, according to hysterical left-wingers. Think again:

1. Fox’s 24 is pleased as Punch to employ Jeneane Garofalo, the hysterical anti-Republican Party activist. She will portray FBI Special Agent Janis Gold, in the seventh season, when she isn’t railing against “American imperialism” for her pro-appeasing, Christian-hating, God-bashing, left-wing fundamentalist causes.

2. More creepy news: the action series is also an evangelical tool for the “Church of Global Warning.” Fox.com/24 states: “Fighting the dangers of climate change is an initiative that the whole company takes very seriously, and what better show than 24 to lead the way?”

3. Question: Where is the right-wing version of Garofalo on Fox’s 24? Where?

4. Twentieth Century Fox’s Presidents/green preacher-teachers, Newman and Walden, like to praise themselves on Fox.com/24 for – I quote with skepticism — introducing “the use of biodiesel fuels to power generators and production vehicles” without calculating the cost to starving Africans. Happy driving!

5. Super-simple tip number 7? “Drive a hybrid,” preach Fox’s evangelists. Just ignore the fact that Toyota sponsors their show, for some peculiar reason.

6. 24 is so realistic. And? And, in Season 6, conservative businessmen seek to assassinate the new African-American President, Wayne Palmer, and pin the blame on a poor Arab terrorist!

7. There are darker seasons. In Fox’s 24 Charles Logan, the Republican President, is the show’s comic book villain conservative. Why? Because he “not only had to resign the presidency – he’s also the first president convicted of a crime, obstruction of justice,” according to Fox’s 24 the Ultimate Guide (page 62).

8. Logan, the demonic Republican, also likes to incapacitate blacks, and network with terrorists. What? States Fox’s official guide: “His deeds were more serious than that, however, including indirect involvement in David Palmer’s murder and collaboration with terrorists” (page 62). (Boo!)

9. Oddly enough, the fiendish Republican business machine kills a black Senator, with 2 children, and a law degree!!! States Fox’s guide: “David Palmer’s life represents an American success story wrapped in a Shakespearian tragedy.”

10. So-called insurgents are victims. In Fox’s 24 the Republican Logan “was part of a secret conspiracy to manipulate terrorists for geopolitical gain” too (page 62).
 
11. Nefarious Republican leaders also like to cover things up. Recall, Logan’s evil plan? But, says Fox’s guide, that “plan went astray when he labored to cover up his complicity until Jack Bauer,” our cartoon hero, “brought him down” (page 62). 

12. Fox’s Republican character, President Logan, is built on the allegedly evil Republican, Richard Nixon. But there’s more. Fox puffs: “Charles Logan became only the second president to resign, after Richard Nixon, but his misdeeds even surpassed that of Nixon’s” (page 62).  (Hiss!)

13. So, what motivates a low-down, sinister Republican to plan iniquitous conspiracies? Let’s see. Oh, they have “Big Oil” resumes. And? And, “Big Nuclear” ties. President Logan, according to Fox’s writers, owns an “Energy CEO of the Year” award. But there’s more: “Director, Pacific Nuclear,” “Vice-President, Western Energy, Coal & Reserve,” “CEO Western Energy,” and so on (page 63). My favorite? “California State Legislature [R-Santa Barbara]!”

14. Republicans are also mentally ill. Page 63 reminds fans: “Charles Logan presumes his fight to hide his criminal activity is over. In one episode, he removes a .45 caliber pistol from a wooden box and seriously considers suicide.”

15. What goes around comes around, especially if you’re a despicable Republican, on television. States Fox’s guide (page 63): “Logan put the gun away, thus living to witness his own downfall a few hours later.” Plus, his Republican wife kills him.

16. Yes, Martha, the Republican Party’s former First Lady, is mentally ill too! 

17. Republicans are even willing to sacrifice their wives to terrorist volcanoes. Indeed, Fox’s own guide reminds us that Martha’s relationship with Charles “splintered when she realized Logan was corrupt, even willing to let her die in a terrorist attack” (page 64).

18. Even a nutty First Lady knows her Republican husband is sinful, sinful, sinful. How sinful? Page 65: “Martha knows that Charles Logan has supplied terrorists with the motorcade’s route, ostensibly to forestall another nerve gas attack, and that the Suvarovs [Fox’s ethically superior Russians] could be ambushed.” My.

19. Get this: Palmer cradles his dead brother, America’s first black President, David Palmer, after an assassin’s bullet hits his neck. The motive? The plot thickens when we learn that – shock! – a private group of businessmen is working with Logan, the Republican, “in order to control Asian oil assets” (page 127).

20. Democrats will die for the “truth.” Former Democratic President Palmer was a sacrificial lamb. But did the Senator die in vain? No, actually. “Although Palmer died, he proved to be a key player in unraveling that” evil Republican “conspiracy” (page 56). “Republicans Lie, Blacks Die!” 

21. Note to self: Fox’s Democrats are very good at discovering diabolical Republican plans, but they have to watch those neo-con bullets. Page 56 states that Palmer “was killed because he had discovered evidence about the impending Sentox nerve gas attacks, and planned to bring that evidence to First Lady, Martha Logan.”

22. Where’s Monica? Republicans like to shoot lies against the Democratic Party’s poor put-upon leaders. Dirty politics? Fox’s official guide reminds viewers (page 57): “As part of his reelection campaign on Day 3, David Palmer [Fox’s Democrat] debates with his Republican opponent, Senator John Keeler.” Then? “During the debate, Palmer grappled with an unneeded complication when Keller alleged that Palmer’s personal physician and also romantic partner, Dr. Anne Packard, had engaged in financial improprieties with her former husband at the pharmaceutical company.”  

23. Republicans are family wreckers. Palmer, Fox’s Democrat, is no adulterer. So, the odious “charge was false, but Packard’s former husband, Ted, committed suicide after giving evidence that cleared them” (page 57).

24. Republicans win elections when persecuted Democrats withdraw, not because Democrats abort black communities. Yes. “Keeler won the election” because “Palmer withdrew from the race” (page 57)!!!