How Sarah Palin can win Matt Damon’s liberal heart!

 by Ben-Peter Terpstra  

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Laughing at empty slogans and deciphering messianic messages are critical when fighting Hollywood’s schizophrenic culture and the elite media’s Obamaganda.

Laughing at empty slogans and deciphering messianic messages are critical when fighting Hollywood’s schizophrenic culture and the elite media’s Obamaganda; and Ann Coulter confirms this when she writes, “In general, Hollywood actors don’t know any facts – but they are 100% committed.” (Please read If Democrats Had Brains, They’d Be Republicans, p. 127.)

And yet, I believe in the audacity of daydreams. I hope. I believe Governor Palin can win over Matt Damon’s committed liberal heart. Here’s how:

1. Damon opposes free trade (when he isn’t shopping at Armani with his American Express card). Thus, Governor Palin can win Hollywood by adopting Obama’s crazy socialistic goals. The liberal senator’s record to be sure, reveals that he rejects all free trade agreements, unless, of course, we’re talking about the Muslim Sultanate of Oman.  (Jot that down Governor.)
 
2. Matt appears comfortable with black-liberation theology. Here’s an idea: If a discerning senator can sustain a twenty-year-long commitment to a “God Damn America” fellowship of Jew-haters, then, Palin needs to find a cult where the pastors also preach that the U.S. government creates AIDS, and spreads “genocide” in Africa. (Happy church shopping!)

3. Damon argues that Obama is a man of change. Obama argues that he is a matchless man of change. To no avail. Palin fails to obey. The Governor needs to show that she is for “change” by: (a) repeating the Democratic Party’s old lie that crushing a baby’s skull is simply an expression of choice; (b) carrying the old feminist guard’s pro-infanticide buckets to look progressive; and (c) shunning Gianna Jessen, a saline-abortion survivor, because she is “old news.”

Today’s lesson: in liberal circles, change means never having to say that babies feel pain.

4. Matt believes that we must reward the poor for their efforts. So too Obama. As such, Governor Palin needs to keep in mind that Michelle Obama’s employer, University of Chicago Hospitals, gave her a “modest” wage increase from $121,910 (in 2004) to $316,962 (in 2005), around the same time her husband became a senator.

Message: liberals help the poor through wasting their taxes on Mrs. Obama’s designer wardrobe. 
  
5. Damon is a Hollywood green. My advice? Parrot Obama’s pro-ethanol sermons from The Audacity of Hope: “The bottom line is that fuel-efficient cars and alternative fuels like E85, a fuel formulated with 85 percent ethanol, represent the future of the auto industry.” Just disregard Africa’s skinny farmers now. Also, deny that to subsidize corn is to spend, say, $9.00, to create a posh gallon of gasoline. 

6. Matt, a man of letters, supports education. Today’s tip? Palin needs to follow Obama’s example, and pull her kids out of the public system, and send them to a private school. But, she must never offer the prisoners of failing public schools the same rights, or let parents so much as see a Christian school voucher. Never.

7. Damon’s a partisan’s partisan. Obviously, therefore, it pays to memorize Obama’s mantras. Says, The One, “The Republican Party has been successfully scaring voters since 1968, when Richard Nixon built a Silent Majority out of lower middle class folks frightened or disturbed by hippies and student radicals and blacks rioting in the inner cities.” Indeed, Palin must glamorize the 1970s, when Black Panthers were acting out on granny’s lawn, and defecating on subways.

8. Matt loves sharing milkshakes with Democrats. So does Obama. So, Palin is to pretend (my plan) that the Democrats never scare voters. Did President Wilson choose to screen Ku Klux Klan movies in the White House? Yep, but it was a triumphant day for white free speech! Don’t embarrass The One. Or The Party.

9. Damon looks down on townsfolk. Obama says they hide behind guns and Christianity. The path toward Obamania is also a nature cult walk. Trees are all the rage in Hollywood. Hide behind trees.  Hug trees. Worship trees. You can’t go wrong. In my professional judgment, Palin needs to bow to Mother Earth. If thousands of trees can sacrifice their lives for Obama’s 1.9 million dollar book deal, then, we too must surrender to the eerie tree force.

10. Matt knows how to play a gay, gay-killer. Likewise, Obama knows how to support liberal judges and their crusades against the “homophobic” Boy Scouts. How can Palin use this information to her advantage? I suggest she watch The Talented Mr. Ripley, to further her “education.” I also suggest that she ignores the First Amendment freedom of association nonsense, in order to open the floodgates to cross-dressing camp instructors. Revere Obama.

Side note: Curious readers are free to read The Case Against Barack Obama: The Unlikely Rise and Unexamined Agenda of the Media’s Favorite Candidate, by one David Freddoso, for more enlightening quotes, and factoids.

Culture: Hollywood, Entertainment, Elections & Political Parties

Read more articles by Ben-Peter Terpstra