All Accusations Are True, Aren’t They?

Regarding the Russian election hacking. I’ve heard that CNN works for the Russian Government and is actually in on the hacking. Since they were connected by debate questions to the Clinton campaign, and are probably connected to the Clinton Foundation, I think the CNN / Kremlin connection has to be investigated. We should probably get this to the electors before they vote. I think Congress has to hold hearings on this immediately. Don’t you want to know, skip that, don’t you demand to know if CNN is working directly with the Kremlin and Putin? Now, I can’t give you any sources on this. In fact, I can’t even disclose the intelligence agency where this information came from, it’s that secret. It would immediately compromise their status and ability to engage in intelligence gathering if even part of their name were made public.

I’ve also heard that most CNN anchors sleep with teddy bears. Don’t you want to know if CNN anchors sleep with teddy bears? Doesn’t that bear directly on their ability to report hard news? Maybe the teddy bears came from the Kremlin? Maybe they are bugged? Maybe the entire CNN organization is a national security risk? Shouldn’t we hold hearings on that immediately? How do we know? Remember, an accusation is now as powerful as a fact in a post-constitutional America. If you want to see where false accusations end up, look at the French Revolution. And yes, I made this whole thing up. But it could be real. After all, I made the accusations, so they must be real. Mustn’t they?

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