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I have started about six or seven essays in the past weeks, but couldn't finish them. I have many thoughts flowing around my mind but by the time they got to paper they seemed so trivial. I have been thinking about many things but when I turn on the news and see the children getting killed and kidnapped, or planes crashing, and especially the soldiers losing their lives in Afghanistan it all just loses its importance. This morning I was watching Fox News Channel and they were doing a "Remembering 9-11" story. I froze where I was standing and couldn't move for a while. They started showing live pictures of soot-covered people running, and the smoke from the towers. I teared up a bit but couldn't stop watching.
I remember a similar feeling last year, as if it was hurting to watch but I could not stop. I have been hearing lots of people interviewed stating that they do not want 9-11 commercialized and so are not going to participate in any memorials. I have been watching these people in disgust thinking how uncompassionate they are acting to the victims of last year to not want to honor them. This morning I changed my mind about those people, as I became one of them. I was afraid again and I did not want to go back to where I went last September. It is not at all that I don't want heroes honored and the losses remembered, its just that the overwhelming paralysis that accompanied the attacks last year is not good for me and it is not good for the country, especially for our war fronts.
The question on everyone's mind is "what will you be doing on 9-11 this year? How should we honor it?" I am not sure how to answer that personally. I have to work on the 11th; in fact I have a training session. I think that is probably a good thing, as being an avid news addict I would not be able to pull myself away from FNC all day, and it would probably depress me and that is simply counter productive if you ask me. The church that I attend is doing a special 9-11 service, with some politicians, such as Katherine Harris, coming to join us. We will also have color guard, and other such tributes. I suppose that type of tribute will only be positive because church is a place where you feel safe, and they won't be tugging on heartstrings to gain ratings.
So I will try not to get too sucked into the whole 9-11 experience and over commercialization. I'm sure in a couple years it will be turned into an official holiday and we won't have to work, or will get paid time and a half if we do, and people will give each other 9-11 cards from Hallmark, and maybe have a barbeque and get the family together. I am not sure if that's a good or a bad thing but I know that I am not ready for it this year. Its too close and I still get numb and teary when I think about it too much. If it has impacted me, who lost not one person close to me last year, I cannot imagine what the families must be going through, none of us can.
I think that 9-11 should be declared a national holiday though. It seems the only way this country can remember a date is if we see it on our calendars year after year. If nothing else we need to remember it happened, to keep it from happening again, to not make light of why our troops are fighting and will fight overseas and to not forget the heroes. So lets keep our resolve, and remember. Lets just not remember to the point of our former paralysis.
Located at http://www.repunk.com/repunk/090302.html