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  Our Enemies Are No Match For Us
by Esther Hartstein
23
November 2002

Conservatives: Why worry about Eminem and Sex in the City here at home when bin Laden presents a worse threat to society?

There's one thing that Osama bin Laden, Sex and the City, and the rapper Eminem have in common, and it's that many conservatives reserve bile for them. Let that bile ease, my friend, and fill your throat with laughter. Fortune has blessed us with the best enemies the United States can have.

Take Osama bin Laden, for instance. After 9/11 and the subsequent Bali bombing, the hairy, sneering monster wasted no intellect trying to keep his crimes a mystery. Instead, he bounced into the public eye like a bullet, sneering and taunting the grieving West with his praise for the awful carnage left in his wake. Muslims all over the world took to the streets, praising Allah with joy. As the televisions captured this, blood boiled throughout the Western world. America was ready to fight.

What would the state of American patriotism have been had Osama craftily worked in the shadows, trying to make 9/11 look like an accident, or the work of several deranged individuals? What if he had feigned sweet sympathy for the victims of those atrocities, and framed the Israelis, for instance? Our troops would be in stagnation, the President would be debating environmental regulations, and the Taliban would still be in power. All this while our enemies developed weapons of mass destruction, playing on our sympathy and suckerdom to keep us ignorant of it.

But instead of opting to be a secret menace, Osama chose to put himself in t he center of the global arena, foolishly daring the armies of the world to trample him. He leers and taunts us to arms from our TV screens, rallying the troops like no propagandist ever could. Osama's world climbs another degree on the scale of peril with each twist of his ugly grin. Allahu Akhbar in deed.

The monster is stabbing himself in the balls so fast that the ACLU just may get away with a mental disability lawsuit if we ever catch him. And catch him, we will, when he has no balls left to shoot. If only the Soviets had given us this good a bargain.

On to happier times on the great American expanse, where cars pass through quiet suburbs, blaring obscenity and raunchy mayhem through their open windows. The nasal voice that rants them belongs to the rapper Eminem. Eminem, known for pinching his privates in music videos and spewing about raping his mother, is hardly a decent citizen's dream. However, the one good thing about having that venomous, over-paid bum soiling our culture is that, hey, we predicted it! If you give his lyrics some close inspection, the vile poetics of hatred give way to an underlying rage against certain things the Conservative Right have been warning America about. They are issues like single parenthood, male bashing, and a hypocritical culture that preaches morality but tolerates trash in the media. In "The Real Slim Shady," he raps: "(obscenity, obscenity….) Yes, that's the message we give to little kids, then expect them not to know what a woman's cli----- is." Eminem is the predictable, wretched refuse of a corrupted culture that conservatives have been warning about since the introduction of TV. He is the result, the product of everything conservatives hate. Conservatives, you can hate the effect, but why hate the evidence? It verifies you!

On that note, get up and smile at the TV screen. By presenting lies, it provokes others to explore them. The show Sex and the City, while fascinating, is nothing but an exotic world of make-believe. In it, four beautiful women with flourishing careers and loads of confidence find satisfaction in sex for its own sake. In real life, this is far from it. A poll done by the Independent Women's Forum showed that over 80% of college women see marriage as very important to them. I would think that as women enter their thirties (the women of Sex and the City are over 30) and find themselves still single, the desire to marry would intensify, not whither away. If it were to whither away, it would do so out of frustration, not because the single life was somehow better.

For example, YM magazine, in the December 2002 issue, interviewed several real women who are described as "playettes". When asked how she ended up as she was, a girl named Rebecca responded, "I went out with the first boy I ever hooked up with for a year and a half. When I hooked up after that, I expected it to turn into something serious, and I kept getting hurt. I realized that if you don't expect much, you can't get hurt. So now I love dating around and don't want just one guy."

Judging how the rest of the interview went, Rebecca isn't alone. Nearly all of the women gave testimonies of their lives that sounded cynical, teed-off, and basically resigned. If even one of them had given a decent reason for why she lived that kind of a lifestyle (such as "it's fun", "it feels right", or "it helps me self-actualize"), I would be out the door right now, looking to wrap my legs around a sexy Israeli. But alas, the playettes are discontent, doing what they do out of inner hurt and insecurity. So I stay chaste and happy.

The Sex and the City myth is fundamentally a feminist one: If guys like doing it, so should girls. Never mind that in the real world, most women over thirty desperately want to get married. That is how the liberal media works: They'll show us bottomless trash on the basis that it "represents reality", but then they'll advocate trash even when it doesn't.
And the liberals claim they don't control the media.

Conservatives, cheer up, and thank G-d you have the foes you do. A true enemy is one that can take you down, and you currently do not have any of those.

Email Esther Hartstein