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  2002: The Year in Liberalism
by Edward L. Daley, The Bodacious Post
January 2003

A month by month review of last year's Democratic and liberal "accomplishments" - er, "notable events and persons."

January, 2002
U.S. Civil Rights Commission Chairwoman Mary Frances Berry continued her liberal obstructionism crusade by refusing to allow Peter Kirsanow to take his rightful seat on the Commission after being appointed by President Bush in late 2001. Berry claimed that the term of Victoria Wilson, a member who was chosen by former President Clinton to complete the term of deceased Judge A. Leon Higgenbotham, Jr., had not ended, even though it was clear to everyone that it had. Some time later the law would come down on the side of Mr. Kirsanow, and Ms. Berry would once again be proven to be a completely useless waste of human life.

February, 2002
Nine-term Representative James Traficant Jr. went on trial for 10 counts of bribery, tax evasion and racketeering in his home state of Ohio. The charges included accepting gifts and favors from constituents in exchange for Washington lobbying and forcing certain members of his staff to pay him cash kickbacks or do work at his farm for free. He would later be convicted and sentenced to 8 years incarceration in federal prison following his expulsion from the House of Representatives for ethics violations. His toupee could not be reached for comment.

March, 2002
Do to the overwhelming political fallout resulting from his relationship with deceased (then missing) intern Chandra Levy, California Representative Gary Condit of the 18th Congressional district lost his first election bid in 30 years. "It's been a great opportunity to be in public service... and I'll never forget it," Condit said after being confronted with his disappointing primary election numbers. It is rumored that Mr. Condit has since accepted a managerial position at a fast food restaurant somewhere near his home in Ceres.

April, 2002
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton achieved the lowest score ever received by a freshman member of Congress by getting a 3 percent rating for her 2001 voting record. According to the National Taxpayers Union, Ms. Clinton received the rating primarily because of her resolve to raise taxes and increase spending. When asked what he thought about his wife's record setting poor showing among U.S. Congressmen and women, former President Bill Clinton was heard to say "Who?"

May, 2002
Former President Jimmy Carter went to Cuba to meet with Communist President Fidel Castro in an attempt to improve U.S./Cuban relations and "explore issues of mutual interest". Following his visit, Mr. Carter dismissed all allegations that the Cuban government might be providing biological weapons information to other nations, and then chose to focus on it's healthcare initiatives. "We have been overwhelmed with the dedication of the Cuban people and the government, and their research and humanitarian sharing of knowledge about better health care with the rest of the world," he said. Although he conceded that his visit was unlikely to change either country's policies, it seemed clear that Carter was perfectly willing once again to kiss the ass of a ruthless dictator just for the unbridled fun of it.

June, 2002
Senate Democrats attempted to back out of an agreement concerning the House-Senate conference committee on energy which they themselves proposed. Their reasoning behind the move was that the panel would include too many supporters of President Bush's ANWR drilling proposal. The unanimous consent agreement approved by the Senate only a week before provided for 6 Democrats from the Energy and Natural Resources Committee and 3 more from the Finance Committee to be selected, yet Majority Leader Tom Daschle made it clear that he felt he should be allowed to choose a few known opponents of the drilling project from other committees. When asked what he thought about the incident, the ranking Republican member of the ENRC, Frank Murkowski remarked "Can't they read the unanimous consent agreement?" to which Mr. Daschle later responded "Is that a rhetorical question?"

July, 2002
Senator Jon Corzine, who has called upon President Bush to get tough on corporate scandals, was accused by a former stock broker of engaging in schemes to force unwitting investors to pay artificially high prices for certain stocks while Corzine was chairman of Goldman Sachs in 1999. The Senator from New Jersey was quoted as saying "I don't believe there is ever going to be anything that sticks about us at Goldman Sachs forcing anybody to buy anything." when confronted with the allegation. But the syndicate manager of Cramer & Company, Nicholas Maier told SEC investigators that Goldman Sachs routinely forced him to buy stocks at inflated prices. "Goldman, from what I witnessed, they were the worst perpetrator... They totally fueled the market bubble. And it's specifically that kind of behavior that has caused the market crash." stated Maier. Later on, Mr. Corzine was heard to exclaim "DOH!"

August, 2002
Bill Clinton made a controversial statement at the Toronto Hadassah-WIZO children's charity dinner in Canada, stating that "If Iraq came across the Jordan River, I would grab a rifle and get in the trench and fight and die" on the side of Israel. Mr. Clinton, a well known draft dodger during the Viet Nam War, also asserted that the solution to the Israeli/Palestinian crisis was to "establish a Palestinian state now". It remains to be seen if Mr. Clinton would grab a rifle, get in a trench and fight and die if Palestinian terrorists decided to swarm into Israel with the intention of murdering innocent men, women and children, but judging from the latter statement above, it seems more likely that he would rather reward that particular group of psychopaths with statehood instead of opposing them militarily. One can only wonder, after witnessing such a display, whether or not Bill Clinton will be the next American liberal to be honored with the Nobel Peace Prize.

September, 2002
Congressmen David Bonior and Jim McDermott lead a delegation of government and humanitarian workers to Iraq and denounced the perceived future military actions of the United States Government. McDermott stated that he believed President Bush was willing "to mislead the American people" about the intentions of Saddam Hussein, suggesting that the mass murderer's regime could be trusted with regard to arms inspections and other sensitive issues, in spite of its long history of deceit and open hostility toward both the U.S. and United Nations. At the same time, Mr. Bonior insinuated that there was some sort of moral equivalence between the U.S. and Iraqi governments when he said "We've got to move forward in a way that's fair and impartial... That means not having the United States or the Iraqis dictate the rules to these inspections." So let's get this straight, the United States (the Gulf War victors) should NOT dictate the rules to be applied to the very inspections which they are demanding the Iraqis (the Gulf war vanquished) adhere to in order to avoid another war. And they say that liberals are not critical thinkers.

October, 2002
Senator Robert Torricelli gave up his bid for reelection due to his rapid decline in popularity following revelations that he was involved in receiving illegal campaign contributions and questionable gifts during his 1996 Senatorial campaign. The Torch, as he is known to his constituents in New Jersey, stated that it was "the most painful thing" he's ever done, adding "Don't feel badly for me. I've changed people's lives..." Soon afterward, the Democratic party illegally substituted former Senator Frank Lautenberg for Mr. Torricelli, claiming to do so out of concern for electoral "fairness". Lautenberg, age 78, had retired from the Senate in 2000 primarily because he was widely regarded as a senile old coot who couldn't find his own ass in the dark with both hands and a flashlight.

November, 2002
The Democratic party lost seats in both the Senate and House during the mid-term elections, due to the fact that it's leaders exhibited a complete lack of ability to move away from the politics of personal destruction, race bating, peacenik extremism and over-taxation. Of course, it didn't help that they chose to make a mockery out of the memorial service of recently deceased incumbent Senate candidate Paul Wellstone, replacing him with Walter Mondale, a perennial loser in every political sense of the word. The practically unheard of governmental power shift SHOCKED election analysts and political pundits alike, and proved beyond any doubt that the concept of 'modern liberalism' is about as welcome in this country as the Bubonic Plague was in Europe during the 14th and 15th centuries.

December, 2002
Senator Patty Murray spoke before a class of high school students in her home state of Washington, encouraging the impressionable teenagers to consider that Osama Bin Laden is so beloved in the islamic world because of his humanitarian efforts, while simultaneously asserting that the United States is so unpopular in the Middle East because it has done so little in that respect over the years. Ms. Murray stated that Bin Laden had "been out in these countries for decades, building schools, building roads, building infrastructure, building day- care facilities, and the people are extremely grateful. We haven't done that."

One is forced to wonder, after reading such a statement, when Osama Bin Laden had the time to do such magnanimous things, since he was considerably busy creating terrorist training camps and organizing vicious attacks of innocent civilians during those years, not to mention attempting to create a nuclear bomb. One need also question why he would bother to build day-care centers in countries where women are generally not allowed to work or even leave their homes without being accompanied by men. Also, Ms. Murray seemed to not be aware of the fact that the U.S. government has given countless billions of dollars in humanitarian aid to Middle Eastern countries over the past several decades and has committed hundreds of thousands of American military troops to defending Muslim interests in conflicts the world over. Apparently Patty Murray is either a completely uninformed twit, or a typical liberal Democrat with nothing better to do than make an ass out of herself. Wait a minute... I guess there really is no difference between those two things is there? My mistake.

Email Edward L. Daley