to say it, being an old TV guy and all, but only television news could make
a war boring. Here we are, just a few hours into the long-anticipated Operation
Iraqi Freedom, and television news organizations struggle to keep viewers
interested during lulls on the battlefields.
Covering a war is difficult, even with embedded correspondents (does anyone
else have problems with that terminology). But for some reason, the coverage
seems more appropriate for a sports event than an armed conflict between opposing
armies. Come to think of it, that does sound like a sports event. I can see
it now . . .
“Hello again, everyone, and welcome to Big News Network’s coverage of Superwar
X. I'm Biff Jaw, and helping us analyze what we'll be seeing today is my friend
and colleague, retired Army Maj. Frankie ‘Ragin’ Cajun' Herbert. Frankie,
how does this Superwar stack up, here in the opening moments?"
“Well, Biff, as you know, everyone had expected this contest to be a hard-fought
affair on both sides. The Mongrel Hordes have experience on their side, having
just come off a tough league playoff to get here. The Screaming Blue Eagles,
even though they drew a bye and have limited experience on this kind of natural
playing field, have some techno-tactics that, I think, will prove to be the
deciding factor as this contest unfolds."
“Right you are, Frankie. That seems to be the consensus of all the experts.
There was a time, as you know, when experience in the trenches, if you will,
made the difference. But in recent years, as you're aware, we've seen some
major changes to this event, techno-tactics, as you so aptly put it, that
I think, as I'm sure you do as well, we've entered a new era, one that I'm
sure, as I know you are, will change the way Superwars are played in the future,
“Well, that's right, Biff. And we're seeing some of that techo-tactical
advantage right here in the opening moments."
“Well, Frankie, we should point out that we're not actually seeing everything
that's going on down there on the playing field due to circumstances beyond
our control. However, we have a pretty good idea of what is happening based
upon our embedded people -- now there's a term, Frankie, that I know brings
up memories of college dorm rooms to you and me and a lot of our viewers out
there -- and, of course, on some pretty gosh darn good guessing from people
like yourself who've played this game, even if it's not this particular game
that we're bringing to everyone live right here on Big News Network."
“Well, that's right, Biff."
“Frankie, the Mongrel Horde has elected to defend the north goal. What will
the Screaming Blue Eagles be doing to break through that experienced Mongrel
front line? We should point out, of course, that you have no earthly idea
of the Blue Eagles' game plan, but that shouldn't stand in the way of expert
“Well, that's right, Biff. What we're going to see, if you will look here
on our computerized, electronic chalkboard . . ."
“Which, I should point out, we'll be overusing throughout our coverage of
“Well, that's right, Biff. What we're going to see is that the Blue Eagles
will try to run right through the middle of that Mongrel front line. Next,
the Blue Eagles will run a sideline-to-sideline ground game interspersed with
some more of that pinpoint air attack we've come to expect. So far we've been
surprised by the apparent weakness of that much-touted Mongrel line, even
though we haven't seen it with our own eyes."
“That's right, Frankie. We're going to take a look at what brought these
two teams together, review some of the action to date, and talk to some reporters
who've never played the game, but sure have a gosh-awful lot of opinions about
the tactics, good and bad, used so far. But before we do, let's take this
brief time out. This is live, special coverage of Superwar X, right here
on Big News Network."
Published originally at www.EtherZone.com; republication allowed
with this notice and hyperlink intact.
John David Powell is an award-winning writer and Internet
columnist, professional speechwriter, and contributor to the Christian Millennium
History Project. He is a regular columnist for Ether Zone.
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