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Democrats and European Appeasers are Stymied by “Rip Van Despot”
by Charles Simpson
16 December 2003

Sunday was a glorious day for America and Iraq.  It’s a shame the Democrats can’t enjoy it.


Fittingly, American troops pulled one of the most brutal and unkempt tyrants in history from a hole in the ground; triggering a political and journalistic explosion across the globe.  Some Democrats, Europeans, and terrorists hedged their bets that the U.S. would not succeed in ferreting out Saddam.  With apologies to Sir Winston Churchill, never have so many been so wrong about so much.  Al Gore fought more bitterly to the end in Florida than Hussein near his home town of Tikrit.  Not only did our troops capture him without a single bullet, he looked like one of my ex-girlfriend’s housemates during college.  (The guy who talks a big game about his intelligence but never goes to class and is so wrapped up in substance abuse and world peace that he doesn’t even have time for a haircut: a walking hippie cliché.)  Early indications suggest that the haggard dictator was afraid of his shadow.  So, tradition suggests we should expect only six more weeks of jihad.  Regardless, don’t expect liberals and European appeasers to be overtly excited with this development.

Hussein’s capture will bolster the overall war on terror strategically and politically. The intelligence possibilities during his detainment are endless.  What became of his weapons of mass destruction, his connections to Al Qaeda, and other relevant bits of information can be easily divulged from a tyrant who used to love shooting rifles from his palatial balconies but couldn’t muster a single pistol shot when confronted by our troops; ultimately submitting himself to the same type of physical examination that my chocolate lab received at the vet last week.  The “Iraqi street’s” reaction was cathartic.  Even journalists were chanting “Death to Saddam” as the citizenry danced in the streets.  After facing a plethora of criticism for his administration of the war, President Bush spoke humbly while avoiding self-aggrandizement.  Most political narcissists would knock over the nearest microphone bank to bask in the good news.  This President, however, is composed of a loftier mettle that allows him to govern and communicate deliberately without grandiose illusion.

Speaking of narcissism, the Democrat leadership consistently falls on their sword.  Instead of playing along with the new tone and supporting the President for the sake of what’s best for the country (and the world), they chose to antagonize and drop four-letter obscenities over his efforts.  So, rejoicing in the wonderful news might be a little hypocritical: tantamount to Rosie O’Donnell hosting a cancer telethon.  Even the casual political observer can anticipate the reactionary Democrat sound bites without a phone call to Ms. Cleo: “Great.  We have Saddam.  Where’s Bin Laden?  Where’s the U.N?  Where’s Halliburton?  Can we bring the troops home now?”  Like Duckie in the eighties classic Pretty in Pink, they’ll beg for U.N. involvement even though the international community isn’t all that interested in helping.  Contrary to what John “Expletive” Kerry thinks, we didn’t need their help then and we certainly don’t need it now.  Our multilateral coalition is willing to do the grunt work despite the loss of life and domestic political consequences.  As Hussein awaits his tribunal, progress can continue in Iraq; this time untrammeled by fear.   

The Europeans who most adamantly opposed the Iraqi invasion praised Hussein’s arrest robustly and complimented President Bush.  German chancellor, Gerhard Schroeder, showered the President with novenas while the French administration also expressed their delight with Hussein’s arrest.  While our fair-weather allies’ praise is gratifying, it also manifests itself somewhat speciously.  Not only can Saddam divulge where all his chemical and biological weapons are hidden, but he can also address the pesky issue of how his fan club was able to secure those hi-tech French missiles and other European munitions despite an embargo.  Maybe they hope to ingratiate themselves with the administration and the Iraqi people in hopes of securing reconstruction contracts? 

These questions will be answered in due course. 

Naturally, the goodwill experienced from removing this cancerous growth from the Middle East will subside in a Beltway minute.  Politics will ultimately prevail once Democrats and international appeasers resume their criticism of American efforts abroad.  It’s too early to tell whether Hussein’s arrest will revise the polling numbers of the Democratic presidential hopefuls.  Certainly, President Bush’s approval numbers will again swell tremendously.  Regardless of the extant impact on domestic politics, Sunday was a glorious day for America and Iraq.  It’s a shame the Democrats can’t enjoy it.

Charles Simpson is an aspiring political pundit and holds a B.A. in Political Science from Emory University
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