Name of Applicant
Are you currently under attack?
You may qualify for expedited service if you are currently under attack. Please be sure you are current on your annual dues.
Do you need help defending your country?
Is there massive genocide in your country of which the UN is unaware?
Have you ever voted for the state of Israel in the General Assembly?
□ Only on unimportant issues
If Yes, please attach a separate form with detailed explanation.
How often do you vote with the United States in the General Assembly?
□ less than 10% of the time
□ 10% or more
Your answer to this question may affect the availability of expedited service for your application.
Are you currently the subject of UN sanctions?
Please secure the signatures of
these five members of the Security Council before you take
any military action (all signatures must be in black ink):
George W. Bush, President, United States
Tony Blair, Prime Minister, Great Britain
Jacques Chirac, President, France
Hu Jintao, President, China
Vladimir Putin, President, Russia
*We have copies of these signatures so don't try any foolish stuff.
Would you like the UN to conduct a military operation on your behalf? (seriously)
□ Only if the US is actually doing the fighting
Check here if your application has been pending over a year without a response.
You may qualify for expedited service if your application has been pending for over a year (non-US applicants only).
Check one for expedited service.
□ The US is the biggest threat to world peace.
□ The US is imperialist.
□ Israel is a fascist state.
Thank you for complying with international
law. We will process your application in the order in which it was
If you doubt this is a parody, please contact the editors.