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After two decades of study and debate, a learned group of international law scholars, human rights activists and renegade priests has discovered the most effective way to end war: require every nation to obtain permission before invading another country. IC is proud to present this draft copy of their proposal...

United Nations

United Nations

Instigation of Hostilities Permission Slip

If you have plans to instigate hostilities, you MUST fill out this form in its entirety and return to Kofi Annan, United Nations, New York, NY 10017. You may also fill out this form online, but the UN will not responsible for any deaths or injuries that result if our server is down.

IDENTIFYING INFORMATION


___________________________________________
Name of Applicant

___________________________________________
Date


Are you currently under attack?

□  Yes
□  No
You may qualify for expedited service if you are currently under attack. Please be sure you are current on your annual dues.

Do you need help defending your country?
□  Yes
□  No
□  France

Is there massive genocide in your country of which the UN is unaware?
□  Yes
□  No

Have you ever voted for the state of Israel in the General Assembly?
□  Yes
□  No
□  Only on unimportant issues
If Yes, please attach a separate form with detailed explanation.

How often do you vote with the United States in the General Assembly?
□  less than 10% of the time
 10% or more
Your answer to this question may affect the availability of expedited service for your application.

Are you currently the subject of UN sanctions?
□  Yes
□  No
□  Unsure

Please secure the signatures of these five members of the Security Council before you take any military action (all signatures must be in black ink):


___________________________________________
George W. Bush, President, United States


___________________________________________
Tony Blair, Prime Minister, Great Britain


___________________________________________
Jacques Chirac, President, France


___________________________________________
Hu Jintao, President, China


___________________________________________
Vladimir Putin, President, Russia


*We have copies of these signatures so don't try any foolish stuff.


ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Would you like the UN to conduct a military operation on your behalf? (seriously)
 Yes
 No
 Only if the US is actually doing the fighting

Check here if your application has been pending over a year without a response.
 Yes
 No
You may qualify for expedited service if your application has been pending for over a year (non-US applicants only).

Check one for expedited service.
 The US is the biggest threat to world peace.
 The US is imperialist.
 Israel is a fascist state.

Thank you for complying with international law.  We will process your application in the order in which it was received.


If you doubt this is a parody, please contact the editors.