state of Massachusetts has decided to approve the official acknowledgment
of gay marriage, and henceforth there will be no difference in the state
between marriage of two members of the same gender and two members of opposite
genders. Having taken this first step in the direction of enlightenment and
toleration, we think the Massachusetts legislature did not go far enough.
There are other oppressed minorities in America in need of recognition and
sympathy, including other groups stigmatized by bigots as practicing abnormal
sexual habits. The time has come for the people and leaders of Massachusetts
to recognize these other non-traditional families and relationships. It would
be sending the right signal to Vermont, Hawaii and other progressive states
and groups of people.
the members of the last sexually-repressed sexual minority in America, the
necrophiliacs. We are mad and we are tired of being victimized and discriminated
against. Necrophilia activist groups have been spouting up all over, and
signal the emergence of the last great oppressed sexual minority from the
closet. And the time has come for the marriage reform movement to welcome
us into your hearts and scout troops.
should we not be free to marry whom we choose?" asks our spokesperson Roger
Mortis, who heads a necrophilia encounter group in Tombstone, Arizona. "Remember
there was a sorry time in America when cross-racial marriage was illegal?
After all, who are we hurting? And besides, who says people have
to live in old-fashioned Ozzie and Harriet traditional family structures,
with their rigid role models? Who says a person's lover must be ALIVE?"
are demanding that our freedom to choose our own partners be recognized in
law. In particular, we object to that part of the marriage vow that states,
Until death do us part. What kind of bigotry is THAT?
militant activist group, PROP UP, has been lobbying for necrophiliac marriage
to be recognized in all states. In particular, we necrophiliacs demand to
have our rights recognized in all that is involved in pensions, insurance,
and employee benefits. "How come Social Security only grants benefits to
insure SURVIVORS? What kind of arbitrary discrimination is that?," asks Mortis.
"And you should have seen the problems I had when I tried to take my partner
with me on a plane to Club Med. I was told I had to leave behind my girlfriend
Christine -- I actually call her Corpus Christie -- and so I told the
snooty ticket agent, 'Over My Dead Body.'"
claim we are victims of long-time prejudice and misinformation. We are often
called nasty names and regarded as mentally unstable. But who is to say what
is normal? The fight against necrophobia has been adopted by all politically
correct movements and progressive individuals.
necrophilia activism has emerged on the American scene, many of us are coming
out of the closet, or -- as we prefer -- out of the morgue. Including some
necrophilia activists have been approaching various religious communities
with the request that their rights be recognized. Already radical Unitarians
agree to officiate at necrophiliac marriage ceremonies. The Episcopalians
will debate later this month whether necrophiliacs, or those romantically
involved with the Life-Challenged -- as many prefer to be known, can serve
as Church ministers. We also expect the PC branch of the Reform Synagogue
movement to join in and to officiate at marriage ceremonies for the unliving,
as well as some more radical Jewish groups. When asked how such a position
could be advocated in light of traditional Jewish opposition to such abominations,
Rabbi Michael Moonbeam, author of the scholarly Tikkun Guide to Great LSD Trips in the Bible
(it explains the REAL meaning of that Biblical story about how Moses DROPPED
two tablets), has observed, "Since when does being a good Rabbi have anything
to do with Judaism?"
assorted services and institutions are cropping up to serve this long-neglected
community. Some lawyers are now offering a package deal in which they do
probate for clients and get a marriage license at the same time. Assorted
Las Vegas chapels have cropped up to perform necrophiliac weddings. At one
we visited, background muzak for the guests played the old Beach Boys hit,
the Monster Mash: "It was the mash, it was the monster mash, it was the mash,
it was a graveyard smash." Another chapel specialized in conducting the ceremony
in a hearse, with theme song taken from the old Mister Ed show: "A hearse
is a hearse, of corpse of corpse, and you can get hitched in a hearse, of
cultural impacts of necrophiliacs are being felt, along with a revival of
1960's rock and roll music, specially adopted for those with romantic ties
to the Non-Living. "Each night I ask the stars up above, why must I be a
cadaver in love," or "Yummy yummy yummy I'm in love with a mummy," and an
entirely new meaning for the song "Roll over Beethoven and give Tchaikovsky
have become welcome guests on all the popular TV chat shows. We have also
taken on the medical and psychological communities. "Who are they to prejudge
us?" says Mortis indignantly. Necrophiliac activists have adopted a different
use of the term "straight" and use it to describe those who have relations
with the living. So for a necrophiliac, a regular homosexual is called "straight
gay" and a heterosexual is "straight straight." We have also been lobbying
the medical research community to change its priorities. "After all," says
Mortis, "they are spending hundreds of billions on finding a cure for AIDS,
but hardly a dime for finding a cure for rigor mortis." The most outrageous
insult to our pride was from Hillary Clinton and the reps at the International
Women's Conference in Beijing a few years back, where they proclaimed the
official existence of five genders. Necrophiliacs claim they are the sixth
gender and they are tired of being overlooked.
now, insists Mortis, I will just live a quiet life with my partner, and in
order to keep a bit of her presence with me wherever I go, I intend to keep
a stiff upper lip.
We therefore demand that the State of Massachusetts end its intolerable bias and bigotry and recognize necro-marriages at ONCE.
Posted on behalf of the Organization G.H.O.U.L.S., Generosity and Heartfelt Openmindedness for Un-Living Sex.
Steven Plaut teaches at the University of Haifa.