Having read Michael Isikoff and John Barry’s May 9th article in Newsweek magazine I was forced to come to a conclusion: Cuban toilets were much better than those in the United States. But, with Newsweek’s retraction of Isikoff and Barry’s ‘Quran flushing story’ it would appear that Kohler is safe, at least for now.

You may ask me how I could have possibly come to the conclusion that Cuban toilet artisans were superior to their American counterparts, what with the travel ban to Cuba and all. My conclusion was based in common sense and deductive reasoning.

In Isikoff and Barry’s article they cited an anonymous source as stating that interrogators at Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo Bay flushed an entire Quran down the toilet. They did this, the anonymous source said, in an attempt to shake the will of the suspected terrorists so as to gain information on other terrorists and their potential plots.

As I sat reading this allegation it dawned on me, the toilets in Cuba must be incredible. I mean, here in the United States all one has to do is use too much toilet paper and the toilets clog. In Europe -- which I have traveled more than once -- the toilets are much the same as they are here, able to handle about the same amount of “payload.” Can you imagine the power of a flush that could transport an entire Quran through the pipes? And we thought we had great water pressure!

The thought of American toilet superiority being vanquished by Cuba’s weighed heavily on my mind. So, I conducted an experiment.

I took a magazine. For the purposes of my experiment I chose a Newsweek magazine. I then tried to flush the Newsweek magazine down my American-made toilet. That was a mistake!

I then conducted a second experiment. I enlisted the help of a 3-year old and instructed him to start flushing things down my toilet. My able assistant and I categorized the objects by size and charted our toilet’s performance.

Let me suggest to you that the biggest object you can get down the toilet before it clogs is considerably less than something the size of a Quran.

All kidding aside, it is unconscionable for “reporters” to unleash such inflammatory accusations based on anonymous sources. Those in the mainstream media have abused the privilege of the “anonymous source” for far too long. Read Jayson Blair’s  unscrupulous fiction written prior to his book deal or the discredited writings of Maureen Dowd and Al Franken to understand why real, named sources should be required before articles such as Isikoff and Barry's are allowed to be published.

There is an assertion that requiring the names of sources would have allowed Watergate, Travel-gate and Monica-gate to go unreported, that without the use of anonymous sources many others who would engage in illegal and sordid events would be given free-rein.

There is also the argument that the anonymous source is a valuable tool for the mainstream media in their quest to hold our elected officials accountable.

In the past these contentions may have had a leg to stand on. Today they do not.

Today the offerings of the mainstream media have become something that yesterday’s real journalists would abhor. Stories are slanted by ideology and disguised as the truth. Reporters regularly insert their opinions into the news and entire publications have been caught using skewed opinion polls to bolster their editorial pages. Succinctly stated, the mainstream media have become lazy and cannot be trusted not to abuse the anonymous source to promote their ideological or greed based agendas.

The wire services have reported that in Afghanistan at least 16 people have been killed and over 100 injured in rioting that was in most part provoked predominantly by Isikoff and Barry's Newsweek article. There have also been reports that 300 Muslim clerics in the Badakhshan province of Afghanistan are threatening to call for yet another jihad against the US if those responsible for “desecrating” the Quran are not “handed over to an Islamic country for punishment.” It seems that in the eyes of radical Islamists the false allegations originating from an anonymous source are enough to kill and go to war over.

Meanwhile, Newsweek has retracted the article by Isikoff and Berry. They have issued an apology “to the victims of deadly Muslim protests sparked by the article.”

Newsweek’s editor, Mark Whitaker, said the magazine inaccurately reported that US military investigators had confirmed that personnel at the detention facility in Cuba had flushed the Quran down the toilet and issued this innocuous apology:

"We regret that we got any part of our story wrong, and extend our sympathies to victims of the violence and to the U.S. soldiers caught in its midst."

Isikoff and Barry's Newsweek article may have caused 16 deaths and over 100 injuries. Their reporting can be classified in one of two ways; either as proactive in committing an act of media activism by tailoring a story to their agenda driven needs, or as a deadly piece of propaganda legitimized by its publication in Newsweek. Either way, Isikoff and Berry -- and to a certain extent Newsweek – should be held accountable for the 16 deaths in Afghanistan. This time an apology just won’t do.

As for your toilet, if your 3-year old is finished trying to flush “Tinky Winky” down, and if your plumbing has survived, grab your Newsweek and have yourself a “sit-down.” Just be sure to keep a plunger handy, just in case your toilet gets clogged with an “anonymous source.”