Straight Talk from Bernie Sanders

brnsndrs2Fellow Comrades, Socialists, Proles, and Occupy Wall Street allies,

Merci beaucoup (that means thanks very much in French – always have to throw in a reminder of my favorite country) for biking, walking, taking public transportation, electric or hybrid vehicles, carpooling or however else you made it here. I want to to talk about the most serious problem facing our country right now. Fast food workers are unable to make a living on $15 an hour. These workers shouldn’t have to get second jobs or cut down on their spending habits. Everyone is entitled to an iPhone or a Samsung S6 now; you heard me announce it here first, it’s a right! Granted, I can’t afford to pay the interns working on my campaign more than $12 an hour. But that’s beside the point.

I read a good article recently, entitled Scandinavia Isn’t a Socialist Paradise. Brothers and sisters, I have some good news. Due to those countries retreating from socialism (they must not have implemented it properly, because I can’t understand why it wouldn’t work), they’re no longer much further ahead than we are and are no longer countries to emulate. With the exception of Denmark, the other Scandinavian countries pay almost the same amount in taxes as we do. We can triumphantly say we’ve caught up in the taxation of our people for the common good, although they’re still ahead of us on letting in lots of Muslim immigrants.

I’d like to give a shout out to my Occupy Wall Street supporters. I feel your pain. Even though I’m worth $460,000, which puts me in the top one percent, I’m only a millionaire, not a billionaire. That’s why I’m careful to say, “The billionaires are on the warpath.” Plus, every time I note that I’m white and attended the prestigious University of Chicago, I always add “check my privilege” to qualify it. Let’s not point out how many of YOU have the newest MacBook Pro, iPad, iPhone, etc. Just keep the pressure on and let’s flip this country around and take it back from Wall Street!

<Black Lives Matter protesters interrupt, chanting “Say her name, say her name!”>

Read the rest of the article at Townhall

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